,,,,,,When roses are red,
They’re ready for plucking.
When a girl is sixteen,
She’s ready for …........ ‘Ere' !!!
I was walking along this narrow mountain pass - so narrow that nobody else could pass you, when I saw a beautiful blonde walking towards me. A beautiful blonde with not a stitch on, yes, not a stitch on, lady. Cor blimey, I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage.
Listen, listen, are you listening, right. Father and son, the boy would be 8 or 9, he may be 10, we don't know, who cares anyway? His father took him to a cattle show on Saturday afternoon where the farmers were buying the bulls and cows, mostly bulls, when all of a sudden the little boy saw a farmer go up to a bull and the farmer started feeling the bull all along the back, he was feeling it, all down and all round, feeling all over. And the little boy said, "Daddy what's he doing?" And his father told him. His father said, "He's feeling to see if there is any meat on it. If there's any meat on it, he's going to buy it." The boy thanked his father for telling him. Two or three weeks later, the boy went to see his father at breakfast. The father asked him what he wanted. The boy said, "I think the butler wants to buy the cook."
Comedy's a weird one - I look back through rose tinted spectacles a lot of the time I think. I used to think Bob Monkhouse was brilliant at stand up - and then I look back at old shows when they're airred and ask myself "And this was funny....why?" Same with some of the old sitcoms - Steptoe and Son, Hancock's Half Hour etc. In fact the only 'oldie' I still find amusing is OFAH.
So anyway, I can't see the videos posted (on Dii) but my favourite of the hour simply has to be Lee Evans - specifically the XL tour. The romantic bath routine had me in stitches, holding your bollocks above your head "Oh no,no,no,no,no!" and what do we always end up with the fucking tap end? Shower dripping on your head drip,drip,drip,drip...
And he finishes off with the getting into bed routine when he takes his jeans off and the change goes everywhere. Only a genius could turn a load of loose change doing a bomb-burst into side-splitting comedy.
In no particular order: Les Dawson, Frank Carson, Dave Allen, Alexei Sayle, Frankie Boyle and Lee Mack. Plenty of others too, but those stand out. I'm glad someone mentioned Max Miller. In his time he was almost as controversial as Frankie Boyle and Derek & Clive rolled into one. How queer! Where's me washboard?