Best profession for gold-digging bloke?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by zero-over, Feb 12, 2013.

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  1. Morning hermers.

    I'm currently seeing a rather nice Staff Nurse working for the NHS. A while ago, an NHS pension was a solid money spinner so I could have been a kept man in my old age. Now though it appears that the pension has been shrunk to comical proportions and it won't be able to keep me in the style I am accustomed to.

    Clearly I need to trade her in for someone who makes a bit more cash so tell me - which profession should I pick?

    Oh, and don't say prostitute. If I wanted a dried up whore who's seen more sausage than a butcher's counter then I could just go and find Peroxide Pat, denizen of Bordon and creator of horse-faced children.
     
  2. Personal trainer?
     
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  3. You want a movie star pension and a rock star life style? Only one thing for it dude, marry a lady who works for a bank. I'll justify with two words................annual bonus. Pensions are a tad shite nowadays so you invest the bonus.

    There was recently an article about ladies who work in finance, focused on New York but applies in the City of London too judging by some of the wife's mates. They get that busy building a career that they forget about men and the other thing until they are in their mid to late 30's and don't seriously contemplate relationships until their 40's. By which time a career lady who is a lawyer, accountant or HR type person is well into a 6 figure salary and then throw in a bonus of a couple of hundred K and Bobs yer proverbial.

    So my advice is find yourself a nice little professional lady who works in the financial sector...........not the manager of the local bank or building society, look to departmental director or VP minimum.

    You'd shit yourself if I told you how much a three year posting to septicland, Dubai, Singapore or most other ex-pat locations was worth............it makes LOA look like the tip you leave after you've paid for the beer. Don't believe me? Ask Banker he knows the score too.
     
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  4. Being a caring, enlightened sort of bloke, you'll want somewhere that's awash with damaged, easily manipulated women, the easier to access their bank accounts. Gym franchise? Women's shelter? Detox clinic? Are there any dating agencies for Goths? You might need to use a process of elimination.

    Ooh, speaking of which - funeral director! License to print money there, just find a female one. Her fanny will taste of formaldehyde, but that hardly matters, does it?
     
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  5. I can just see it now..."Hi sweetheart, how was your day?"
    "Good thanks love. Kicked off the day with a couple of B.J.'s, then after morning tea got my blurter creamed with a ten incher. After lunch was a little more strenuous, had a D.P. with two nice fellows who were once line-backers for the Rams- and 'ram' they did! (Giggle!)
    "Glad you had a lovely day sugar plum, now could you please be a little darling and grab me a beer?"
     
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  6. Only one drawback though, most of her pay packet is is evaporated with expenses: Cocaine, ten wardrobes of expensive lingerie, more cocaine, various toys of various dimensions, still more cocaine, and most expensive of all- the STD remedy treatments and rhinoplasty for her cocaine fucked beak.
     
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  7. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    anne widdicombe is available - good pension there. shouldn't be too hard to be classed as eye candy.
     
  8. Well, her often-stated desire to remain a virgin all her life removes the major obstacle to marrying her, I suppose. Read her a bedtime story, massage some olive oil into her calloused feet, put her dentures to soak for her, apart from lending a hand with shovel-brush-and-chipping-hammer when she takes her clunge into the doctor for its annual MOT, that's probably about it for husbandly responsibilities.
     
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  9. You've forgotten to expense the rest of the surgeries... ever larger breasts, quarterly lip plumps, bi-monthly botox... not to mention the other expenses like gym & other training, spa days, waxings, etc...
     
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  10. Of course! So bottom line? We'll ditch the porn star as gold dig material, even if she does seem like a good thing at the outset. Besides- we'd most likely find tighter labia on a camel.
     
  11. Don't you mean glass eye candy..!!
     
  12. Your Jarrods new squeeze, I claim my arrseless chaps...!
     
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