Best Nig Wind Ups

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Duty rumour suggests an nig from 3 Regt was told to refuel the Skeeter outside 3 & 4 Regt HQ. he was subsiquently stopped by the guard commander! anyone got any more quality wind ups? bump starting gazelles and pedal steering wheelie bins and the like :-[

 

[Gunny Highway]

The usual.  

Go and get the TOW pull-through from the Rem's.  Two hours later, 'Cpl, the Rem's have sent me all over the camp looking for the pull through'.  Always a winner in 657.

Go and get a left handed screw driver.

Go and ask the SSM can you help fill out a 252.

 

[Stained_Eligius]

Get a nig to take a note to the ASM in an internal mail envelope but make sure he turns up at the ASM's desk with a hammer, torque-wrench... something big anyway.  Nig stands there quivering while ASM reads note saying something like "give me 50 euros you ugly tw#t or I'll smack you one with the hammer"  Soon becomes clear whether the ASM has a sense of humour or whether the witch-hunt starts immediately  

Gunny, the pull-through trick still works, a bloody Cpl got caught out with it a while back!  

 

[Gunny Highway]

Stained, yours is an excellent one.  Would have loved to have used that on the old ASM at 9 Regt.  Thug !  The pull-through joke is still working?  And on a Cpl?  Some dumb fcuks out there.  657 LAD used to have an actually mock pull-through, comprising of an old wheel stop attached to a long rope and a bag of rags.  Many a NIG would be handed this. Can only remember one lad actually stood in the hanger, trying to fit the wheel stop in the exhaust tube.  REME went nuts when he tried to bang the thing in.  The missiles never went straight after that !      

 

[Sam_Fisher]

Not exactly a wind up but i did hear a story about a REME airtech who got inside a tyre bay cage to pump up the tyre. It happened in Detmold, and the same guy put 45 bar into a trailer tyre........loser

 

[Aunty Stella]

One of the best I saw was getting a sprog to try and jumpstart a gazelle.

Had Andy Tween sitting in the pilots’ seat, flicking the start switch every so often, with this hapless Nig pushing the blades around as fast as he could.

Near enough the entire regiment ended up on the pan at Soest watching this guy for a good five minutes before he cottoned on

 

[woopert]

We sent one lad down to see the Chief Clerk at SHQ in Guthersloh in search of a Form ID 10 T.  

Sweeping the glidepath was another favourite.

 

[Unknown_Quantity]

Go and find the following:

longwieght
Skyhook
Spare bubble for the spirit level
10m of filopian tubing for the basha
keys to the indoor mortar range

When you've done that go and turn the windsock on.

 

[Aunty Stella]

After you've fetched the Tyre Pressure Gauge for the Sultan

 

[Mighty_doh_nut]

Unknown Quantity

Forgotten about turning on the windsock, just soiled myself laughing

Seem to remember the belt fed fish killer of Loch Neagh falling for that one during his first week in Minden

 

[gumby]

Reference the guy in the tyre inflation cage he's moved on somewhat and now is a member of the officer's mess  :

 

[SHOCKER]

Can you tell me when that cab gets back from its ground run?

 

[Bigearsinheaven]

Sending all the new clks to the Trg Offr for the keys to the indoor tow range.  Or then getting the AGC Cpl (Female) who was given the famil flight.  It was the old trick with he sick bag and the fruit salad with double cream.  While we were banking about I said I felt sick and asked the pilot for a sick bag which was filled with the said ingredients. Then with the mic as close to my mouth as possible, made puking sounds.  I Looked at the Fem as she was turning white and trying to keep her lunch down too. Then as I said it was a terrible waste I put my hand in the bag and pulled out some of the mixed fruit and cream and ate it.  SHE NEEDED 2 SICK BAGS HERSELF.  

 

[Pte_S_Baldrick]

Send them to the pay office to sign for their “Christmas bonus” to say thank you for their first years service…

Fcuk…I cant believe I fell for that :'( :'(

 

[Stained_Eligius]

Baldrick, I've got two nigs that will be reporting for that one on Monday.  Cheers, like it

 

[Sam_Fisher]

I remember a guy in 4 being sent down to the RP Sgt of 4/7 with a letter. The nig was a guy called Unsworth I think. Anyway, he was told to wait for a reply. When the Sght had finished reading the letter he went ballistic, got the tom outside and proceeded to drill him up and down outside the barbers for about 30 mins, at mach ten. He then gave the Airtpr a letter for his MT Sgt, and sent on his way. The letter was to be opened by the Sgt, and it read something along the lines of "Yes I agree with you Unsworth is overweight and I have tried my best. If you have anymore, don't hesitate to send them down to me" Yours the RP SGT. The Airtpr was breathing through his arse for ages, brilliant.

 

[Bravo2sugars]

How about sending a NIG down to the local RMP post with a politely worded message enquiring how the investigation into the theft of a box of bananas from the Unit cookhouse is going? Just a thought, but helps in RMPs have a sense of humour!

 

[Mighty_doh_nut]

A certain chap who i believe has posted on here recently was sent to the front gate at Minden with a tub of Barrier Cream, he was told you read the instructions & crack on.

Chaz L stopped him on entering the camp half hour later and gave him the good news. The barrier did look pretty in that shade of pink

 

[Sam_Fisher]

What about the Sgt in Ploce that was writing to his Cpl and had the Cpl thinking he was a 25 year old barmaid from Brighton. The Cpl was writing to him/her for the entire detachment, he only found out on the penultimate day in front of the whole Sqn. The letters, obviously, had been getting fruitier and fruitier as the det went on. The Cpl had to hide his face for days after, well good.

 

[Stained_Eligius]

Just thought of a new one which I might try out on Monday while the other nig is reporting for his christmas bonus  I'll tell him that he arrived slightly too late for CDT but he was on the list and his sample needs to be dropped off at the chief clerk's office asp.  Just need to find a plastic cup and a high-vis vest