Best Murder Weapon

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by 81cufc, Sep 20, 2011.

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  1. I was watching Hollyoaks mainly for the sexy nurse that is Karen Hassan, but not with standing all the other hotties

    Anyway, said sexy Northern Irish Nursey has smashed an old geezer over the head with a rock and I thought this has to be the best murder weapon?

    Wait a minute . . . Hear me out . . . It's not the best for it's ability to efficiently complete the job at hand, however for ease of disposal in "the cover up phase" it's got to be a winner? Naturally sinks to the bottom of a river, never going to float back to the surface after it's weight become detached and if not river at hand easily tossed somewhere to blend in with everything else.

    So, what do you think would be the best murder weapon?

    ** Disclaimer - this is not research for a future act I'm intending to commit **
  2. A 15 inch black rubber cock.
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  3. Shovel carried in the back of a mini moke. Only really effective in Cyprus.
  4. "and that was considered a pleasant way to go"
  5. A JDAM: no body, no crime...
  6. Frozen ham. Thaw it out, cook it up, eat it, weapon disposed of.
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  7. A crossbow bolt made of ice using perrier water.
  8. A large icicle. In the head - murder weapon disappears.
  9. Insulin!
  10. All nonsense. Forensics from the blood splatter in any bludgeoning instrument would be picked up by the Feds in no time.

    The best murder weapon is a cliff. Shove the victim off it - one quick clean shove, no brusing, no body marks, no signs of a struggle. Do it beside the sea when the tide's in and you may even get a few more days if the body is washed out.

    And afterwards, when the detectives come calling: "A terrible thing mate, just awful. I warned him/her not to get too close to the edge... but would they listen? No. And now look at them. Fucking tragic that...."
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  11. Delete ham, insert lamb.

    You then have a credible plot for an episode of "Tales of the Unexpected" from the 1970s.
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  12. go old school with a silk garote then just burn it.

    its more personal as well
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  13. You've done this before, haven't you...?
  14. I had a vague memory of a Hitchcock plot myself, don't care for lamb myself, hence the ham.
  15. Get your intended victim to read the thread on ARRSE about "James Shortt Legal Threat".

    Before they have completed the second page they will have slipped into a coma followed by death.
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