Best Mess/Bar Games Ever!

Following on from the "What I Miss" thread, which was great reading...... There is a lot of mention of Mess, Bar life.

The Set-Up: My offering is, two mess dining tables (shiny as fcuk) about 6ft apart, 1 blanket on each end. The apparatus - 'two man' box affair with scaffold pole through centre, two men with broom handles enter 'canoe'

4 dining chairs with a page of a broadsheet newspaper over each, positioned just in reach of the broom handle.....still with me??

Objective: 1 man balances whilst the other 'tries' to flick the sheets of paper off the strategically positioned chairs.

Other requirements: Beer, baying crowd and a trusted partner!

Outcomes: Most I ever got was two, swapping sides was extremely hard whilst blotto!

"gentle caressing ear, which had to sewn back together thanks to my partner being 'slightly' drunker than me in the 5th Skins Mess, I remember you, P***dy S****e!!

Over to you!
Some of the games played:

Mess draughts on the lovely tiled floor, using shot glasses whites were usually vodka and blacks either Brandy or Port. If you jump and opponents piece then down you had to down the shot.
Tug of War - Broom stick, 8 "volunteers" on each side both sides grasp the stick and try to pull the arms off the bloke on the other side.
Mess Rugby - Like normal rugby except with cabbages and harder objects to concuss yourself on
This one was perfect for giving some barstard a dig without repurcussions.

two teams of four ( only join in if one of the opposition is your intended target for a smack ) Turn all the mess sofas and big chairs upside down on the dance floor, forming a tunnel. All not involved sit on the tunnel to prevent upwards escape.

Rugby ball placed in the centre of the tunnel, and go!! fc*ng underground murder ball, winners are the team who ALL reach the other end mit the ball. Spurs to be removed being the only rule, proud owner of a broken nose from that one...ouch.
Making a human pyramid and writing wity comments on the ceiling.

One 'shiny as fuck' 6ft mess table. Start on the top, lying down and the aim is to do a loop under the table to get back to the top where you started, without touching the floor.

3 chairs in a line set to the height of the person playing... the seat of the end two chairs facing in, middle chair at 90 deg to outer ones. Person lies on chairs, with head and feet on end chairs, back supported by middle chair... middle chair removed. Who can keep the position longest wins.
Climbing up the sunshine mountain (Seeing how many pissed squaddies fit on a table until it collapses)
Mess rugby (20 man scrums, feckin brilliant)
Sprog boxing (Sqn PTI brings in the gloves, sprogs picked to go at it, bets made, game on)
Broom handle tug of war.
Can walking.
Boat race.


never seen it happen though have you? i havent heard of it either. sounds potentially fatal if you think about it! I know someone who lost all the tendons in their hand through broken glass injury!
So do I mukker!!! My youngest had 23 hours of emergency surgery after putting his arm through a pane of glass!
Lyam Arm Injury.jpg

Snooker table, red ball and white ball - no cues.

You must play white ball from either end of table but can pick up from sides. Aim is to roll white onto red and keep red moving. If you fail, lose a life, if you manage to pot red, player before you loses a life. Drink penalties can be added to losing life. Any number of players but must follow in order.

Added interest if you play in teams, you can also add contact element by allowing players to "interfere" with ball players progress round table - can get nasty and is then "Contact Crud".
No, never seen an injury with bottle walking either but.........
Jousting. Using the longest corridor in the mess - which usually had the entrance lobby in the middle - using motor cycles, motor scooters or for the real wimps, pedal cycles - start at either end of the corridor, accelerate towards each other, the pillion passenger armed with a pillow aims at the other riders as you pass. Try not to end up in the bar facing the Station Commander.

For no pain (well not much) try supporting the head/neck on one dining room chair with the heels on another (a supporting chair in the middle allows you to get set up). remove the middles support and pass a bottle around your body hand to hand. count the number until the stomach muscles give out and you collapse in a heap.

Smash. Requires a full sized snooker table. There is one red ball (on the black spot) and one white ball. The participants, in strict order, and only allowed to roll the white ball from either end (not the sides) must strike the red ball and keep it in motion. You may keep trying but if it stops and it is your turn you lose a 'life'. If the red is potted and it would have been your turn you lose a 'life'. After losing three 'lives' you step out of the game and insult/encourage the efforts of those left in. The game starts or restarts from the 'D' end in order to set the red in motion and you get three tries. It is more difficult than you think )especially after alcohol) and if you fail you also lose a 'life'. Sounds quite painless? Well it is until you realise that the white ball is slowing down at the other end of the table and you have to get there and roll it in double quick time striking your hip on the corner pocket as you arrive. Despite the fears of mess committee members and mess staff no damage has ever been recorded to the table. Sounds like 'Crud' but is not (necessarily) a drinking game.


Mmm spanish ham!
That must've been pretty traumatic for you all! Nasty injury.
It was a rough few months mukker, but thankfully (and with the skill of a great surgeon) he's pretty much back to normal :)
And besides Chicks dig scars :wink:

Sunday lunchtime piss up china fleet club Singapore, two rows of tables cleared and surrounded by a baying mob of lunatics laying bets.
Enter two "gladiators" both also well tanked, wearing only t- shirt and flipflops, with a twisted up newspaper inserted in the rectumus, ignite the blue touch paper and stand back, the winner is the one who can last the longest without running up the table, over the balcony and jump 2 floors into the pool, the smell of burning pubes and flesh lingers to this day...
never seen it happen though have you? i havent heard of it either. sounds potentially fatal if you think about it! I know someone who lost all the tendons in their hand through broken glass injury!
saw it once after a rugby game in Germany,guy concerned did a bit of tendon damage but he got off lucky! (could have been fatal)
The best mess game has to be 'wheel in the duty cripple' just get someone in a wheelchair to the bar a buy them loads of drinks while fawning over them with mock sympathy.

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