Best man presents

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, Feb 16, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Crabby is getting married...

    As is traditional my best man (+1 other groomsman because apparently it'll make the photo look balanced?) will be receiving a present thanking them for spending my money on food, drink and debauchery just for losing the rings and shaving my eyebrows on the stag night.

    After long and careful thought (the time it took me to type in 7-62.com) I decided that it should either be engraved cufflinks (the bullet ones, a bit different) or just a bog standard bullet with the ring thing so it can "be put through their pinholes on the wedding day" (not my quote).

    So, which would be more useful post wedding? Other than hipflasks (one doesn't drink, fcuking homo) has anyone got any better ideas for a present/s for my best men (other than a dose off the bridesmaids and trying to make the new Mrs Crabby airtight)?
     
  2. Congratulation "An honest man"!
     
  3. Give him the scarf, you hermer.
     
  4. Prima Nochta to be practiced on your new wife as you're a pink scarf wearing civvy cnut.

    You wretched hermo.
     
  5. 6 Months before she is fcukign someone else and you resort to eating dick on the subway.

    Have a word with the vicar and see if he can do your funeral and cremation the same day as your wedding

    As for a present for the two fags that will take part in the ceremony..... give them one of your small boll0cks each, that way at least we'll be safe in the knowledge you won't reproduce
     
  6. Chop your cat in half and give each of them a piece. Problem sorted.
     
  7. They don't drink from the choccy starfish as I obviously do. Not sure they'd appreciate that.
     
  8. let them both go through the bride. At least she might get laid on the night.
     
  9. Allowing them to conceive a child with your missus.
    How about a drunken drugfuelled orgy with all the womenfolk?
    Allowing MDN to officiate at the wedding.
    Failing any of the above a nice mature bottle of whiskey for the one that does drink and a nice bottle of mature tap water for the one doesn't.

    Oh and good luck.
     
  10. How did I not think of that. My whisky drinking only pales in comparison to that of my best man. Probably go for an 18 year glenmorangie as he likes a lighter whisky. Or I'll try and get him onto highland park with a 25 year...
     
  11. A baby oil hand job from the oldest female at the wedding..... and she must take the spaff on the glasses!!