Best Little Johnny Jokes.

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by Spaced, Nov 4, 2010.

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  1. I reckon it's maybe been done before, but worth another go. I like this one, which is your favourite Little Johnny story.

    The teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her young students what they had for breakfast.
    To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
    Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,
    'E-G-G.'
    'Very good', says the teacher.
    Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T.'
    'Excellent.'
    Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
    'I had fuckall', he says, 'F-U-C-K-A-L-L.'
    The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
    Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
    Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Scotland. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off England's east coast.
    When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
    Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
    Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The fucking Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
    That's why I got fuckall for breakfast'.
     
  2. rampant

    rampant LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    We have an ocean off the east coast?
     
  3. This is a thinly anglicized version of an American joke, a land where even the Bristol Channel is considered an "ocean".
     
  4. 1.

    Maths teacher: Right Johnny, if you had £3 in one pocket and £7 in another pocket what would you have?

    Johhny: Some one elses fucking trousers on miss.

    2.

    Police Officer knocks on the door.

    Little Johhny answers it with a fag hanging out the corner of his mouth and a glass of whiskey in his hand.

    Copper: Are your parents in?

    Johnny: Does it fucking look like it?
     
  5. This is my favourite, requires a pen and paper but worth it.

    Code:
      Mrs. Smith, a third grade teacher wanted the class to play a game where one student starts drawing on the board, then one by one others add to it.
      She thinks and decides not to start with Johnny, because he is so naughty and always has some "unusual" pictures in mind. So she starts with Anne.
      
    Anne: "This is our house".
                                        /\
                                       /  \
                                      /    \
                                     /      \
                                    |        |
                                    |        |
                                    |        |
       
      
     Teacher: "Good Anne!" and asks Peter to draw next:
      Peter: "This is our house's door".
       
                                         /\
                                        /  \
                                       /    \
                                      /      \
                                     |        |
                                     |   _    |
                                     |  | |   |
                                     |  |_|   |
       
      Teacher:"Very good, Peter" and calls Mary:
      Mary: "This is our house roof".
    
                                         /\
                                        /UU\
                                       /    \
                                      /      \
                                     |        |
                                     |   _    |
                                     |  | |   |
                                     |  |_|   |
    
      Teacher:"Very nice, Mary" and calls on Stevie:
      Stevie: "And this is the sun over our house."
    
                                         \|/
                                         -O-
                                         /|\
                                          /\
                                         /UU\
                                        /    \
                                       /      \
                                      |        |
                                      |   _    |
                                      |  | |   |
                                      |  |_|   |
       
      Teacher:"Very nice Stevie" and thinks, there is not much damage that Johnny can do with this picture and asks johnny to come to the board.
      Johnny: "And this is my Dad, trying to pick up the soap when he dropped it in the shower.
                                        ________
                                       /        \
                                      /   \|/    \
                                     /    -O-     \
                                    |     /|\      |
                                    |      /\      |
                                    |     /UU\     |
                                    |    /    \    |
                                    |   /      \   |
                                    |  |        |  |
                                    |  |   _    |  |
                                   _|  |  | |   |  |_
                                  (____|  |_|   |____)