Best ever Jif job?

#21
partick said:
Bloody hell I´d forgotten all about that one ! Anyone remember NAAFI guard at Krefeld ? Nice cushy number. I think I stagged on for 2 hours out of the 24. Now that´s what I call guard duty

sure was! with all the special cokes thrown in! .... was a pleasure to have that one! then back to the guard room with nothing to report but bastardi/voddy astutely disguised under the minty breath!
Don't forget stagging on at BMH Iserlohn. Now there was a f*cking skive and a half. Had to guard a stiff there once in the mortuary. Suppose in case the c*nt walked off.
 
#23
Some years ago, some local flower arrangers found a particular rare flower growing in the grounds of Penhale camp.
Question to MOD "You never have any soldiers here, why not close it down and we can enjoy the flowers"

MOD quickly contact my unit and insist half the troop go on the p1ss in Newquay for 3 weeks.

Sorry I'll read that again, MOD insist adventure training is carried out forthwith to prove to the locals that the camp is being used. Troop arrive in 4 tonner with loads of beer but no adventure training kit.

Even got a week's buckshee leave when we returned.
 
#24
blackrat_scaleyback said:
partick said:
Bloody hell I´d forgotten all about that one ! Anyone remember NAAFI guard at Krefeld ? Nice cushy number. I think I stagged on for 2 hours out of the 24. Now that´s what I call guard duty

sure was! with all the special cokes thrown in! .... was a pleasure to have that one! then back to the guard room with nothing to report but bastardi/voddy astutely disguised under the minty breath!
Don't forget stagging on at BMH Iserlohn. Now there was a f*cking skive and a half. Had to guard a stiff there once in the mortuary. Suppose in case the c*nt walked off.
Ah BMH Iserlohn was a skive and a half, got dicked for New Years Eve there 1 year, we were instructed that all beer coming through the gate had to be confiscated by the guard. Should have seen the guard commanders face when me and a certain ale loving sqaddie 'Chippy' by nickname staggered back into the guardroom absolutely wrecked on handover, he shit himself!!
 
#25
Early 90's doing the site guards at the various weapon / ammo dumps in BAOR was a cushty number. Watch TV for a week, eat egg Banjo's and occasionally (Once a day) drive round the perimeter in a short wheel base 110 :D
 
#27
Mighty_Blighty said:
Early 90's doing the site guards at the various weapon / ammo dumps in BAOR was a cushty number. Watch TV for a week, eat egg Banjo's and occasionally (Once a day) drive round the perimeter in a short wheel base 110 :D
That'll be a 90 then :wink:
 
#28
WhiteHorse said:
Mighty_Blighty said:
Early 90's doing the site guards at the various weapon / ammo dumps in BAOR was a cushty number. Watch TV for a week, eat egg Banjo's and occasionally (Once a day) drive round the perimeter in a short wheel base 110 :D
That'll be a 90 then :wink:
Nice one :D
 
#29
Sod the nitpicking whether it was a 90 or a 110 :wink:

What I want to know is what role M_B got jiffed for ? Fezz up you jammy git, because the site guards I was on, were a bloody pain :D
 
#30
OTC camp, '81 at Fremington. Strained my knee just before the final two day exercise, so given a fantastic excused everything chit. RSM puts me on table and chair stacking for the dinner night which with my knee is impossible. Chuntering on about this to other biff chit holders and a woman O/Cdt from REME wing turns around and moans that she has been jiffed to make table centres and floral arrangements. 'Twas the work of seconds to swap portfolios...Miss Lesbian Recovery Driver 1981 gets busy humping big tables and chairs from A to B. The sensitive, wounded Cuddles limps off into the churchyard to get greenery et cetera then settles down with a nice pot of Earl Grey and some oasis to get creative.

The punchline - CO congratulates W/O/Cdt Lesbia, a woman not at her most confortable in a ball gown - for the quality of her flower arranging!
 
#31
Ex. Native Trail in Belize, summer '96, attached (loosely) to F Company, SG. I was the only Class 1 VM to VOLUNTEER, for 7 weeks in the caribbean. On arrival, found my old mate was ASM, who promptly volunteered his blokes to do weekend cover so the attached could go on the lash at the weekends. Ended up in Cancun for one memorable weekend with a cutie from Oklahoma.
 
#32
Mitch99 said:
blackrat_scaleyback said:
partick said:
Bloody hell I´d forgotten all about that one ! Anyone remember NAAFI guard at Krefeld ? Nice cushy number. I think I stagged on for 2 hours out of the 24. Now that´s what I call guard duty

sure was! with all the special cokes thrown in! .... was a pleasure to have that one! then back to the guard room with nothing to report but bastardi/voddy astutely disguised under the minty breath!
Don't forget stagging on at BMH Iserlohn. Now there was a f*cking skive and a half. Had to guard a stiff there once in the mortuary. Suppose in case the c*nt walked off.
Ah BMH Iserlohn was a skive and a half, got dicked for New Years Eve there 1 year, we were instructed that all beer coming through the gate had to be confiscated by the guard. Should have seen the guard commanders face when me and a certain ale loving sqaddie 'Chippy' by nickname staggered back into the guardroom absolutely wrecked on handover, he s*** himself!!
Bet you removed the middle sausage from the tin and pleasured yourself as well you filthy swine
 
#33
my first day at new unit (Herford) turned up and my tp Staffie said go and get some civies on i have a jiff job for you
was cursing all the way back to the block when i got back he told me to get on the minibus as i was going on the Herforder brewery trip got wasted and missed 2 days of work
the yellow handbags still make me think of that trip
 
#34
Was it not soon after you fell asleep de-rusting the road springs on your wagon and had to call the guardroom to let you out?

After a 6 pack at lunch time :wink:
 
#36
Ten Tors in Dartmoor, the year before last. Was positioned in the main gardroom all weekend and was awake for about 6 hours every day to tell busses to go the wrong way through the car park and talk on the loudspeaker telling everyone to take their litter home with them. We even managed to get home early on the sunday!

Mate from my platoon on the other hand was positioned on the road apex and was up all night in the cold...ha ha ha!

...I know I'm jack!
 

Alsacien

LE
Moderator
#37
A week at the Army Chaplains HQ in Bagshot doing some sort of christian awareness training (aimed at non-bible bashers).
They were considerate enough to have a 50/50 split of young men/women, no restrictions on movement and late morning "coffee discussions" to start the day.
My 19 year body never fully recovered from the rough handling received at the hands of a WRAC postie from Mill Hill.....
 
#38
could be ??????
but I am smarter than the average BEER
heidtheba said:
Was it not soon after you fell asleep de-rusting the road springs on your wagon and had to call the guardroom to let you out?

After a 6 pack at lunch time :wink:
 
#39
chedder04 said:
could be ??????
but I am smarter than the average QUEER
heidtheba said:
Was it not soon after you fell asleep de-rusting the road springs on your wagon and had to call the guardroom to let you out?

After a 6 pack at lunch time :wink:
No need to shout it from the rooftops cheeder, its allowed now :D
 
#40
Got 'lemon squeezied' to go to Berlin on the last ever Allied Forces Day parade (1994).
Went up for the whole week beforehand, which consisted of a bit of drill in the morning (anyone else remember that first practice at RAF Gatow?), and then the remainder of the day free to do what we liked. Of course, that meant partaking of various types of liquid refreshment..... all in the name of culture of course.
Absolutely fantastic time - parade was awesome, apart from our OC, who forgot to order us to change arms, so the SSM took over (presume his arm was a bit knackered as well), but we'd been holding the damn rifle in the same place for so long our arms had locked up - hurt like hell!
Remember thinking the yanks all looked wierd, wearing their equivalent of No2 dress, but with skid lids on - doesn't work for me, lol.
Great time had by all.

:p
 

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