Best drill pig rant

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by B00MER, Jan 8, 2010.

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  1. When I was in training we had a classic CSM who would launch into so awesome verbal bollockings on parade should some poor lad dare to unclench his fist whilst stood to attention at -5 degrees...
    Best one I recall -
    "You illegitimate son of an outer mongolian fu'k pig"
    Made me laugh anyway....
  2. The RSM at Depot REME (Aborfield circa 1989) jailed his pace stick when it got away from him once. No-one tittered...we all stood perfectly still...while bricking ourselves.
  3. Never really did much drill, it was considered, even by the DS in training to be a mere embuggerance but a neccessity for a half presentable pass out..
    I like pongo provo staff though, generally made up of amusingly wierd looking scruffy c*nts who's careers were winding down to a steady halt, who when upon slinging on a brassard became the epitomy of discipline, smartness and heavy, heaaaavy drinking
  4. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    RSM at 1 Div, Herford jailed a leaf (which an RP waster had to catch) for getting blown across the parade square.

    Same bloke, another occasion, gathered the entire regiment in a circle around him after a parade and announced CIVPOL had nicked someone from this unit for D and D. He then issued the best rant/bollocking I have ever heard on drink driving to 300 soldiers. How it would fcuk up your career, your life, how anyone could be stupid enough to do it knowing the penalties, how he would see to it you crucified etc etc.

    We found out the next day it was him that had been nicked.

    Top bloke.
  5. 'Out of 120,000 sperm I find it hard to believe you were the quickest.'
  6. CDI 'Dusty' Rhodes

    "If you don't get this right I'm going to tie your bootlaces to your foreskin and march you round this drill square 'til you fucking wank yourself to death."
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  7. Welsh Gds WO2 drill pig, all arms course at pirbright:

    " move to the right in your column of shite"

    The guy had us in stitches throughout the course ,a real character. :D
  8. We had a bloke in training who couldn't help swinging his left arm in time with his left leg and it really fcuked everyone behind him up. Calling us to a halt, the Drill Instructor said kindly " Private X , if you don't concentrate and start getting it together, I'll stick my fcuking pace stick through your 'ear'oles and ride you around the parade square like a fcukin' motorbike!"
    It was an image that tickled me :lol:
  9. When I was in the cadets at school, we had a summer camp at Tidworth. During one of the drill periods one of the lads yawned and the CSM who was taking the drill screamed " If you yawn again, I will reach down your throat, grab hold of your wedding tackle, and turn you inside out." Amazingly none of us young lads yawned again that day. :D
  10. "I'm going to stick this stick through your ears and ride you around this square like a fucking motorcycle"
  11. Un-named drill pig at Army Apprentice college Harrogate to a hapless Recruit....

    Recruit X... if you don't start swinging your sodding arm, I'll rip it off and batter you about the bonce with the soggy end!
  12. "If you don't get the shagging step I'll stick my pace stick up your nose and flick you to Guildford"
  13. Ripon Bks Bielefeld circa 1989. 14 Sqn RCT on a Monday morning working parade. The entire Sqn was on parade smart as carrots. At the edge of the parade square Dvr Miller (duty waste of rations) appears, clearly late with unpressed kit.

    SSM - Miller! What time are my fu***ng parades?
    Miller - Well if you don't know sir, how am I supposed to!

    And off to jail went Miller.

    *As a post script, Miller was thrown out of the army some 6 months later and was given just 4 hours to de-kit and get the f**k off camp. I was out side the OC's office at the time Miller was being given the good news to hear another classic comeback from him:

    'But sir, with 4 hours it won't allow any time for leaving drinks!'

    He's proberbly a banker now. He was a pretty smart guy, but completely oblivious to important things going on around him.
    Last edited: May 15, 2014
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