best blags to bed a bird


MDN - as suggested...



Dont forget some of us have seen you in action when you have tried to blag a female into bed. ;)

So maybe this thread should be called how MDN really  tried very hard with crappy blags to bed a bird and failed. ;D ;D ;D ;D


So that's why he wamted this thread.... to get some good ideas  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


ok thats it im gonna get me note book and pen ready to write down what not to fall for  ;)


Old-Salt's a repost of  ;Dmy post from the Lonely Hearts Forum:

I told a barmaid in Lincoln that I was a Royal Engineers diver, training dolphins off the east coast in mine clearance. (that story on the news yesterday reminded me of this).  

Had her really interested in my "job", and told her I'd take her swimming with flipper on Monday.  

I got her vital statistics etc (for her wetsuit), but the best one was.

"You're not due a period are ya?'s just that flipper get's a bit "fruity" when there's a scent in the water"

Sh@gged her all weekend, and went home on the Sunday night promising to take her swimming on Monday.

har har   ;D


ok just one question!

did you ever see her again?


Of course not. ;D

Mind you...I'm not a B@stard altogether......I had a pang of guilt for a few minutes when she told her mother on the phone about the great new bloke she'd started seeing. (Yes, a day later)

However, the ensuing BJ she performed moments later soon cleared the guilt pang.  ;D


I've got a 10 inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears.


Helmanx, not being one to boast of past conquests, but was it you that called from one end of the bar to the other......

Come on Donut spray my face ;D ;D
Yes it is true ;)
But you forgot to mention that the spray was from a pint of lager and that Mrs W and her daughter jumped on you to get your tadger out when you lost the bet and then preceeded to fall over in fits of giggles because there was nothing Mighty about it and it certainly didnt resemble a Donut.

Well not a fresh one anyway it looked more like one that somebody had forgotten about and left lying around for weeks. ;D ;D ;D ;D


Not one for chat-up lines but:

"don't turn this rape into a murder"

usually gets an animated response.. ..apparantly.

Telling new (female) Subbies that you are the Adjt has been known to work...

For moves further afield than your own doorstep:

"Have you seen the size of my lorry"  works well in Hull.

"Fancy a forklift?"                                works in Cardiff.

"I want to feed you to my troops"      works everywhere!
Not really a blag....but not really a chat up line either..

I have an old schoolfriend who is as Irish as they come - he likes the ladies but never does well with them - and this is why.....

On a rather drunken pub crawl about town a young lady walked past that took his fancy.

Leaning across to touch her arm so tenderly he asked....."Can I poke yer pussy?"

To which she replied, ever so ladylike "Ferk off, no you can't"

Ever the optimist he sincerely asked "What about yer arrse then"

SLAAAPPPPP! - Oh how we laffed


Best one ever, swear this works:

When in a pub with group of loud mates, approach purty-little-thang at the bar, looking a bit shy.

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you but can I buy you a drink? (Don't stop talking at this point) It's just that I've just got back from 6 months in (insert most recent tour) and my mates are giving me a hard time because I've not even seen a woman in all that time. They reckon I've lost my touch and bet me that I wouldn't have the bottle to come and chat you up. Just a drink and I won't bother you (insert sweetest smile)"

DO NOT mistakenly use this on an Army bird, they'll shoot you down vocally in flames.


Ha Ha ................she just wants a free drink and if you've been away probably had nothing to spend your money on. Can't you spot a golddigger?

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