Best (and Worst) Squaddie Chat-up Lines?

C

Crio

Guest
#1
Hi Ladies and Gents,

I'm genuinely curious - I've heard some truly belting lines from huz-band and other squaddies and find them endlessly entertaining. For example:

"Do you know; I can lick my own eyebrows and breathe through my ears." (Pissed ex-officer-and-posh-bastard, must be imagined in the correct accent)

"I'd like to lick your pink bits" (Same pissed ex-officer-and-posh-bastard)

"Shag me, I'm rich. Well, actually I'm not. But shag me anyway." (Same...)

"If I flip a coin, what would you say my chances are of getting head?"

"Now careful, or I'll shout "Surprise"..."

"I hope you don't mind my saying so, but you do have a rather good set of top bollocks"

"Fancy going halves on a bastard?"

"The more pissed I get, the longer I can shag for. And I'm bolloxed."

(Said to huz-band, not me.) "Twos up your shag mate?" I know that's not a chat-up line but I thought it was hilarious.

The question (coz I'm chained to the bloody wheel at work and bored senseless) is what's your favourite chat-up line, and has it ever actually worked? Only one of the above did. ;-)

C
 
#3

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
You've got spanner eyes - everytime I look at you my nuts tighten

One that worked:
What does it take to get in your knickers
Have you tried asking?
 
#8
"What are your plans to liberate the peoples of Eastern Europe from Bolshevik oppression?"

I saw it work but it failed miserably when I tried it.
 
#10
"come here you lucky cow"

And it did work.
 
#12
I've tried a few, but the one that got me sex-on-tap (ie: Married) was: "...Ehhhh, uhm, heh heh... Hi"
 
B

Boozy

Guest
#14
"Get in the van"

"Here love, make us a sandwich/cuppa"

"What the fuck are you doing out of the kitchen?"
 
#15
"I've just got back from Afghan..."
 
#17
Only people with no charm or charisma need chat up lines.
To be fair, us non Hermer types don't have the option of sticking knobs through glory holes and waiting for a nosh off a random tramp.
On the original topic, I always find " buy us a keebab and I'll suck yer nuts dry" fairly effective! Or "I can suck the chrome off a Harley exhaust, geruss a bag a chips handsome"!
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#18
To be fair, us non Hermer types don't have the option of sticking knobs through glory holes and waiting for a nosh off a random tramp.
On the original topic, I always find " buy us a keebab and I'll suck yer nuts dry" fairly effective! Or "I can suck the chrome off a Harley exhaust, geruss a bag a chips handsome"!
Why not go to such a place and not shave for a few days, you'd pass as a bloke. As I understand it women are crap at blow jobs, it's really mens work.
 
#19
Why not go to such a place and not shave for a few days, you'd pass as a bloke. As I understand it women are crap at blow jobs, it's really mens work.
Where do you get that knowledge? Are you Catholic?
 
#20
Why not go to such a place and not shave for a few days, you'd pass as a bloke. As I understand it women are crap at blow jobs, it's really mens work.
You are told that by men who fuck you, which is similar to a woman telling her partner that her ex "wasn't good" or "no-one is bigger than you"....all bullshit designed to ease a delicate ego :)
 

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