Best (and Worst) Squaddie Chat-up Lines?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Crio, Feb 26, 2011.

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  1. Hi Ladies and Gents,

    I'm genuinely curious - I've heard some truly belting lines from huz-band and other squaddies and find them endlessly entertaining. For example:

    "Do you know; I can lick my own eyebrows and breathe through my ears." (Pissed ex-officer-and-posh-bastard, must be imagined in the correct accent)

    "I'd like to lick your pink bits" (Same pissed ex-officer-and-posh-bastard)

    "Shag me, I'm rich. Well, actually I'm not. But shag me anyway." (Same...)

    "If I flip a coin, what would you say my chances are of getting head?"

    "Now careful, or I'll shout "Surprise"..."

    "I hope you don't mind my saying so, but you do have a rather good set of top bollocks"

    "Fancy going halves on a bastard?"

    "The more pissed I get, the longer I can shag for. And I'm bolloxed."

    (Said to huz-band, not me.) "Twos up your shag mate?" I know that's not a chat-up line but I thought it was hilarious.

    The question (coz I'm chained to the bloody wheel at work and bored senseless) is what's your favourite chat-up line, and has it ever actually worked? Only one of the above did. ;-)

  2. "I'm from 3 Para Mortars"
  3. To be fair that could still get you a shag...
  4. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    You've got spanner eyes - everytime I look at you my nuts tighten

    One that worked:
    What does it take to get in your knickers
    Have you tried asking?
  5. Only people with no charm or charisma need chat up lines.
  6. I didn't think gays needed chat up lines? I always assumed they just went to a bathouse/public loo and got on with it.
  7. You might.
  8. "What are your plans to liberate the peoples of Eastern Europe from Bolshevik oppression?"

    I saw it work but it failed miserably when I tried it.
  9. "Assumed" eh? ;-)
  10. "come here you lucky cow"

    And it did work.
  11. Does this hankie smell of Chloroform to you?
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. I've tried a few, but the one that got me sex-on-tap (ie: Married) was: "...Ehhhh, uhm, heh heh... Hi"
  13. Might not need lines - just flop it into her hand and burst into tears ...
  14. "Get in the van"

    "Here love, make us a sandwich/cuppa"

    "What the fuck are you doing out of the kitchen?"
  15. "I've just got back from Afghan..."