Best and worst Khazi

The weirdest one I've ever seen was in an extremely posh hotel in Mexico called the Excellence.
Absolutely brill hotel with possibly the best hotel room I've ever been in.
However, the bog and shower were "open plan".
Lovely marbled bog but the door was a tinted glass one with a two foot gap at the bottom and a 3 foot gap at the top. Next to the double sink area (spotless, toothbrush/toothpaste provided along with all the other normal stuff and Bulgari at that) but a big gap to the bedroom with the mirrors above the sinks sort of just hanging there.
Into the shower, again a big marbled edifice with double shower head but the back wall was plain glass looking into the bedroom. There was also a hot tub in one corner but the windows looking out to the pool were clear glass.

OK for me and the missus after being married for 50 years but the honeymoon couple a few doors away were rather aghast at being in a room where going to the bog was definitely not private. They told us one would go out of the room onto the balcony when the other had to do their ablutions.
 
Another really bad toilet was 90,s Margate beach, it was the Guildford GPO annual family outing, beautiful weather, beach looked a bit grotty and stank sumfin shocking, but when the kiddies started running screaming out of the sea covered in sewage, it was a shocker,especially us inhabitatents of poshtown (FRIMLEY) not being used too 2nd or 3rd hand nr 2,,s, it was a severe culture shock and many cases of delhi belly for weeks to follow, but the park barn posties families saved lots of money , harvesting sanitary towels and johnnies out of the surf:p
 
I can remember on an adventure training trip over the Mosel region. After a day of canoeing on the river, there was a houseboat with a shower and toilets for us to use. The houseboat was situated in a basin, just off the Moselle River. Some of us went for a swim in the basin, and after a bit of splashing around, I noticed something suspicious floating in the water. When I decided it looked too much like a turd, I got out and so did the rest of the lads.

Seemed the bogs on the houseboat flushed directly into the water. I didn't fancy doing what Kevin did in the sea in Ibiza.
 
Best would either be Arundel castle, where you get to feel like you are in a very detailed fairy story where Cinderella does go to the ball and the loos were in the castle tower. The Estonian Embassy in London are the other contender, they are forest themed, with cheeping birds cancelling the sounds from outside the door as you are surrounded by pleasant woodland photographs, with running water sounds for helping flow. That contrasts deeply with the actual woodland view ones on Scotland where they had recently introduced composting toilets and forcibly thrust me in to use them. The stench of people who actually shat themselves in fear at being forced into these loos was diabolical. I escaped by making some vaguely authentic sounds of using this hell pit then heard the next victims approaching and timed my escape.
 
Another really bad toilet was 90,s Margate beach, it was the Guildford GPO annual family outing, beautiful weather, beach looked a bit grotty and stank sumfin shocking, but when the kiddies started running screaming out of the sea covered in sewage, it was a shocker,especially us inhabitatents of poshtown (FRIMLEY) not being used too 2nd or 3rd hand nr 2,,s, it was a severe culture shock and many cases of delhi belly for weeks to follow, but the park barn posties families saved lots of money , harvesting sanitary towels and johnnies out of the surf:p
Most definitely nothing wrong with coming from Frimley. Gives you an Idea of standards and social expectations (unless you come from the Ansell estate which is a bit of an unflushed kharzi itself)

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The weirdest one I've ever seen was in an extremely posh hotel in Mexico called the Excellence.
Absolutely brill hotel with possibly the best hotel room I've ever been in.
However, the bog and shower were "open plan".
Lovely marbled bog but the door was a tinted glass one with a two foot gap at the bottom and a 3 foot gap at the top. Next to the double sink area (spotless, toothbrush/toothpaste provided along with all the other normal stuff and Bulgari at that) but a big gap to the bedroom with the mirrors above the sinks sort of just hanging there.
Into the shower, again a big marbled edifice with double shower head but the back wall was plain glass looking into the bedroom. There was also a hot tub in one corner but the windows looking out to the pool were clear glass.

OK for me and the missus after being married for 50 years but the honeymoon couple a few doors away were rather aghast at being in a room where going to the bog was definitely not private. They told us one would go out of the room onto the balcony when the other had to do their ablutions.
Shame i would have thought that a Cleveland Steamer would have been more than appropriate whilst on honeymoon.
 
The fresh meat market at Banjul, The Gambia, 1979. The khazi was anywhere the shoppers felt the urge.
The meat market in Banjul and the need to void one’s guts, explosively, and by any available orifice including hoop, mouth, nostrils and if memory serves, ears are not mutually exclusive. In fact they’re wholly interdependent.

Any aircraft toilet has to rank highly on the negative scale, apart from anything else, on anything smaller than a 757 and for anyone taller than 5’ the need to be able to piss in braille, with your spine bent back at 45 degrees and looking at the ceiling is essential. I marvel at the stream of goppers mooching in and out in bare feet / socks.

On the positive, I have to second The Phil in Liverpool.
 
Most definitely nothing wrong with coming from Frimley. Gives you an Idea of standards and social expectations (unless you come from the Ansell estate which is a bit of an unflushed kharzi itself)

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used to have a house atthe top of old pasture road, the neighbours kept causing agro about my falcons and eagle owls,lived there 7 years but not 1 compaint about our house cat bimbo who was a mature brazilian Ocelet male, or the endangered types of feline cubs from siberian tigers to scottish wildcats, which we handraised for various zoological establish ments ,nowt as weird as folk!!
 
The meat market in Banjul and the need to void one’s guts, explosively, and by any available orifice including hoop, mouth, nostrils and if memory serves, ears are not mutually exclusive. In fact they’re wholly interdependent.

Any aircraft toilet has to rank highly on the negative scale, apart from anything else, on anything smaller than a 757 and for anyone taller than 5’ the need to be able to piss in braille, with your spine bent back at 45 degrees and looking at the ceiling is essential. I marvel at the stream of goppers mooching in and out in bare feet / socks.

On the positive, I have to second The Phil in Liverpool.
The haj.

'Nuff said.
 
Best Khazi.... The one at home. Don't matter how plush the others are. You've been away camping or in a hotel, you get home, drop your kecks, sit on your own dunny and RELAX!
Worst, from some of the tales on here, had me in stitches! Can't come close to most of them, but my favourite story involved a Scots mate of mine.
We were on a two week Motorcycling holiday, second day in France just south of Nancey on the motorway after a heavy night on the ale. My mate indicates he needs a dump, so we pull into the first of those rest areas with toilets. Kenny jumps off his bike, legs it into Khazi, but within 10 seconds comes flying out screaming at the top of his Glaswegean accent "l'm na fooking havin' a shiet in tha' doomp". Yup squatter covered in crap.
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Worst actual toilet ever, Savoy Centre, Glasgow. Arrse banditry abound which I only discovered when I went in for a piss one day and found the place which wasn't bigger than 6x12, busier than fucking Central Station with middle aged men all milling about drying and washing hands, etc.

I covered the city centre at this point, and we were later tasked up there in covert deployment to catch people bumming in the toilets. I got followed around the Centre by a guy who thought I was out fishing for company. Decided to have some fun, so walked around, kept looking at him, he follows me into the bogs which again, are like the pie stalls at a footie match, and start to wash my hands. He does the same, smiling in the mirror at me.

My oppo comes in at this point and the two of us bring out our ID and shout "Police!" and the place empties like unders night when Saville's DJ'ing. They all went to Waterstones across the road instead.

Best, R-Cade in Glasgow. It's a shit hole, but the toilet is imitation Japanese and it's like walking into another world.
 
Best Khazi.... The one at home. Don't matter how plush the others are. You've been away camping or in a hotel, you get home, drop your kecks, sit on your own dunny and RELAX!
Worst, from some of the tales on here, had me in stitches! Can't come close to most of them, but my favourite story involved a Scots mate of mine.
We were on a two week Motorcycling holiday, second day in France just south of Nancey on the motorway after a heavy night on the ale. My mate indicates he needs a dump, so we pull into the first of those rest areas with toilets. Kenny jumps off his bike, legs it into Khazi, but within 10 seconds comes flying out screaming at the top of his Glaswegean accent "l'm na fooking havin' a shiet in tha' doomp". Yup squatter covered in crap.
So you were (possibly briefly) Nancy boys together?
 
Have to say that bogs on a coach are never nice. Low ceiling, and hardly any space to turn around. Added to that the movement of the coach along the road, makes aiming so much more important. OK to take a piss in, but I'd avoid shitting in one unless I am ready to burst.
 
Have to say that bogs on a coach are never nice. Low ceiling, and hardly any space to turn around. Added to that the movement of the coach along the road, makes aiming so much more important. OK to take a piss in, but I'd avoid shitting in one unless I am ready to burst.
Much more room on the rear seats if you have a plastic bag and you can get them to yourself, and you get a rolling vista
 
Have to say that bogs on a coach are never nice. Low ceiling, and hardly any space to turn around. Added to that the movement of the coach along the road, makes aiming so much more important. OK to take a piss in, but I'd avoid shitting in one unless I am ready to burst.
Or if you can get your mate to hold your belt whilst you piss out of the side door, as you gun it down the motorway.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
There is a sewage works near where I grew up in Isleworth. Mogden Water Treatment Works.

They used to sell the, errhhh, ummm, processed solids to growers as fertiliser. IIRC it was called “Mogdenite”.

Oddly enough there was a very pretty walk along the Duke of Northumberland’s river straight through the middle of the works. I used to wave hello to my morning turds on the way to the boozers in Twickenham.

And they developed the “Mogden Formula” which is the bedrock of modern sewage treatment. There’s money in shite.
My grandfather used to get all his tomato seedlings from local sewage works. Free to pick your own.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
Best tomatoes on the railway grew in Stewarts lane sidings near Battersea Dogs Home. It was where the carriage cleaners flushed the old tankless kazi's onto the track.
 

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