Best and worst arse wipes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by kilo42, Apr 21, 2012.

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  1. I don't know if the modern compo still includes sheets of that shiny arse wipe paper, but I expect not, smear sheets we used to call it. Old team mate of mine maintained that the best arse wipe ever is a live swans neck, anyone ever tried it?
  2. Swan's necks only work one way, otherwise you get a rash. RSM's smocks are the softest.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. compo re arranging paper was bad enough...rsm smock sounds like comfy bum
  4. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    Moss. It's damp and slightly antiseptic according to my well thumbed "THEM" handbook. Honest, you can find the book in the library and it's all true.
  5. I used to blag a roll of that blue hand wipe stuff from the REME on exercise. There's plenty of it on a roll and it grips yer shit nicely.
  6. Those scented wet wipes, although a bit girly are quiet nice.
    Especially in a NZ Department of Conservation long drop toilet where the scent helps to mask the aroma of the 1001 shoites of a good seasons hill walking lurking at the bottom of the drop.
    Follow up with a couple of sheets of 3 ply for total comfort of the mudbutton.
  7. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    I like that Andrex with aloe vera. very gentle on the ringpiece.
  8. I find antiseptic wet wipes are perfect for the alfresco dung deposit!
    Soft, moist,refreshingly antiseptic and cool, plus the moisture evaporates quickly. :)
  9. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    I refer the learned gentleman to post #4. Or that second water bottle of L/Cpl. N*** O****'s. It isn't water, but Absolut Vodka and comes in handy as an antispetic. Or mixed with Screech and consumed dulls the pain of a ring-sting.
  10. The worst arsewipe was me Mod form 90, as suggested by Paddy O'dowd. He must have a cast iron arsehole thats all I can say.
  11. I use them as well. I use the dry arse carpet first, then the wet wipes to clean the last little bit of smeared nard out of my crack.
  12. You would never have got anywhere in a clinker count contest.
  13. preparationhsoothingwipes10728.jpg

    For those gentlemen of a certain age, who's botties have seen better days.
  14. I like using peoples towels. It's good for ringpeice admin and it annoys the person who's towel you have used.
    • Like Like x 2
  15. We used to call it "John Wayne" paper - rough, tough and takes shit off no fucker!

    Empty cement bags are very effective. Double benefit too - any clinkers left round your arse just harden up and are easily snapped off.