Belfast earthquake

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ducati916, Aug 23, 2005.

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  1. Belfast Earthquake!

    At 0945 yesterday morning a major earthquake measuring 4.5 on the Richter
    scale epicentered on greater Belfast. The earthquake decimated the area,
    causing an estimated £30 million of damage, with the exception of Sandy
    Row and Ardoyne where approximately £375,000 of improvements were made!

    Untold damage and distress was caused, with many woken before their Giros
    arrived! Several priceless collections of mementos from Millisle and the
    Spanish Costas were damaged and three areas of historic and scientifically
    significant litter were disturbed. A mural of King Billy was destroyed on
    the Shankill as was one of some 'oul-doll gurning, on the Falls.
    Thousands are confused that something other than political madness has shaken
    Belfast. Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly amidst the wreckage
    muttering "Wha ? What the "F%*k was lat"

    One survivor Tracey-Anne Kirsty-Lee Kylie Johnston, a 17-year-old mother
    of three told us "I near crapped maself. Our Shania-Fairybell came gurning
    into my room this mornin. The chyle was in an awful state. My youngest
    ones, Britney-Jo and Justin-Keanu slept through it all,so they did. I was
    still shakin watchin 'Trisha' - you know what I mean like. It's awful so
    it is. All my windies are broke and I can't get the howl of the Housin
    Executive for til fix them. They've only been fixed for a week after me
    and his last row. I've lost my fegs an everything - it's terrible so it
    Luk at the state of my hair. Have ya any fegs mister?".

    Apparently in the West of the city joyriding and looting carried on as
    normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of
    beer into the area to help with the stricken masses but were stoned,
    bricked and petrol bombed as they left the area. Rescue workers still
    searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal
    belongings, including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke and
    Ratners. They claim that the death toll would have been significantly
    higher had the Bru been open at the time.


    Clothing is most sought after - Items required include: Sovereign rings,
    Burberry baseball caps, white socks, Tesco two-stripe trainers, white
    suits, chunky gold chains.

    Required foodstuffs include:beer, frozen Burgers, beer, lard, beer, deep
    fried Mars Bars, Tayto cheese 'n onion, beer, Chinese takeaway.

    25p will buy a biro pen to fill in a spurious claim form
    £1.95 will buy an All-Day Ulsterbus ticket to enable victims to travel
    from the Bru to the Post Office to McDonalds to the Wine Store.
    £10 will take a family to Antrim for the day where the children can sniff
    glue and skin-up.
    £15 will buy fish suppers and an E for a family of 4.

    Please send your credit card number and sample signature now.

    This rings so true :lol:

    Apologies if posted before