Being Politically Correct - Alternatively

#1
I can’t help thinking that all this political correctness is stifling the great British humour. These days you can’t say what you think without some fooker taking exception and getting all outraged. It’s racist this, homophobe that and be kind to the disabled or they might get upset.

Take my dad for example. He’s in his eighties now and he aint going to change. Perpetually stuck in a mid-twentieth century mindset, he has embraced modern technology but can no longer function in politically correct polite society. He’s baffled that he can’t say what he sees, or describe things in the old way. Brought up in a good old fashioned farm labourer environment, he is a relic of Edwardian values installed by stiff collared disciplinarians adept with a leather strap. His humour was honed as a schoolboy during the blitz and perfected with a five year stint in the mob which included a prolonged tour in Korea.

He’s made adjustments, but he’s finding it difficult in modern day politically correct Britain. So, he seeks out alternatives which might not be politically correct but are sure to cause neck hairs to bristle. He will use the term ‘negro’ to describe a black person; You can’t say that dad … Oh yes I can, I’ve googled it and it’s fine. He will use the term ‘queer’ at every given opportunity but in the old fashioned way ie as in ‘odd’. He will describe someone gay as ‘bent’ and if you suggest that he’s homophobic he will simply tell you he doesn’t fear anyone least of all homosexuals. Of course the word ‘gay’ still means happy and fun to him. And he aint ever going to change.

So, I was wondering whether this will happen to us all as we march into our dotage; will we be left at odds with an ever changing politically correct Britain? Do we need to think of alternative politically correct descriptions? Are we using them now?

I like the term ‘poop fiddler’.
 
#2
Domestic vioence. There was a time when people just assumed that the bitch was out of line.


God help us, the world is getting soft.
 
#4
Totally agree. I see absolutely NOTHING wrong by telling any girl you fancy by saying ' I want to fucking smash your hoop in on our first date.' Nowadays all these birds get offended!!!! Lesbians the lot of them......or the ones who would let you, have face like blistered pisspots.....
 
#7
Bernard Manning. R.I.P. Now he knew all about political correctness.
 
#8
#9
There was a story the other week about a dwarf standing outside a pub having a fag when a bloke picked him up and threw him. He was on the radio whinging about being injured and all the pretentious do-gooders were up in arms about 'little people' having rights.

We don't have any mines or circuses any more, so surely they exist for dwarf tossing? Apart from porn of course. Political correctness gone too far I says.
 
#11
Last night on the telly Frank Skinner remarked that when he was a kid homosexuals were called 'mo's. The audience giggled self consciously and really didn't appear to know whether they should laugh or disapprove.

No-one has actually said that the meanings of gay and queer have changed so I still occasionally talk about queer goings on and don't snigger at the Gay Gordons.

I don't believe in insulting people unnecessarily but fail to see why some everyday words should suddenly be proscribed or subverted. We seem to be overly sensitive to black needs giving them by far the largest number of ethnic groupings. White people are all Caucasian whether they come from the Americas, Australasia, Africa or Europe whereas black people are divided up by black-African, Afro-Caribbean etc

As for all this crap about we mustn't call a blackboard a blackboard, give me strength!
 
#12
It is a strange thing this PC lark, does anybody else out there in Arrseland find that they would not dream of offending a minority just for the sake of it, but go out of their way to antagonise the "faux offended yoghurt knitting community" as gratuitously and offensively as possible. I hope it is not just me and that I need councilling.
 
#16
My nan used to call the dark gentlemen nig nogs. There was no racial malice at all in the name.

Mind you she did used to call Mr Patel in the corner shop a stinking paki. Good ole nan.


Sent from my iPad using ARRSE app 'cause I can.
 
#17
My father was, for most of his life, the very picture of politeness. When he realised he did not have long to live, many suppressed words and expressions started emanating from his mouth. A sort of "I'm going to die, why fuck around with false politeness". It made for some awkward moments when he came to visit in SA.
 
#18
Homosexuals piss me off , they hijacked so many words in the English language, ie

Queer meant something was odd
Gay meant happy or a porridge wog called Gordon
Bent meant something was malformed
A faggot was something you had for supper and so on....
 
#19
It is a strange thing this PC lark, does anybody else out there in Arrseland find that they would not dream of offending a minority just for the sake of it, but go out of their way to antagonise the "faux offended yoghurt knitting community" as gratuitously and offensively as possible. I hope it is not just me and that I need councilling.
Nope. I try and wind up the "faux offended yoghurt knitting community" whenever possible!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#20
"I'd rather stick my head in a bag of gypsies bottoms" is an expression I will use until I die. If gypsies dont like it they might start washing their smelly arses. Being born in a small Northumbrian village simplified matters for me as a child.

90% of the village are cunts
People from the next village are all cunts
People from Alnwick are cunts
Geordies are all right unless they come from Jesmond, Gosforth or Gateshead when they are cunts
People from Sunderland are pikey makem monkeys
People from Middlesbrough are smog monster Kiddy fiddlers
People from Hartlepool are monkey hanging bastards
South of there its all cunts.
People from west of Haltwhistle are cunts
The Scotch are cunts

So, as we may see, I had plenty of cunts to deal with before I started getting inventive with names for filthy foreign cunts.
 

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