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Being Interviewed By a Cat.

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
We have a very old dog.......nearly 18 years old.

For the past few months we have had a cat in the back garden that just sits there and ignores us.

It is obvious that Houndinblack will roll a 7 in the next few weeks and said cat is ingratiating itself with the family.

By lunchtime today wifeinblack and daughterinblack are placing bowls of yoghurt outside and lamenting that we don't have catfood in the pantry after the aforementioned quadruped started whining and begging at the back door. The dog has made a few attempts to see it off but keeps tripping over "The Grim Reaper's" foot.

I have always admired cats as the MI5 of pets but this fukker is seriously on the ball.

I have introduced a serious "NO MORE FCUKING PETS" rule and have already been stiffed.
 
#2
I'm dog sitting a staffy, it took on a black cat off the lead.....................staffy nil black cat 1

Cats are too smart and too manouverable
 
#3
RIP in advance for Muttley. I dread the day my dog dies, and she's only three years old.
If Wife and Daughter are in on the act, you are now a cat owner.
Can I still infer you are a 'homm' in todays enlightened society.
 
#5
Might as well get the catflap fitted now, that cat's stitched you up with the old jedi mind trick.

You don't need to see his identification.
This isn't the cat you're looking for.
He can go about his business.
Move along.
 
D

dennis10

Guest
#6
My neighbour has 4 cats. One is too fat to get over the fence, but the other 3 are always coming into my staffs turf. Two of the cats run off as soon as I let the beast out the door, but the other one just lays at the top of the garden and doesn't get intimidated at all, it even arches its back and swipes a paw at staffy and staffy runs off, with the 'fighting dog' reputation that staffs are supposed to have well and truly destroyed.


PS I suggest you revise the wording of your final sentence maninblack. It could be misinterpreted.
 
#8
Cats and dogs! Funnily enough, they get on quite well together but, usually, the cat ends up ruling the place. Had a Basset hound and a cat. The cat used to curl up and sleep with it but would climb onto its back then slide down, with claws out, until it got comfy.
Then looked after a Doberman. Cat would grip under its chin and ride around like that. Also used to pinch the dog's food and the dog would just sit back until it had finished.
Finally, had a Labrador/Collie cross (unfortunately died about 18 months ago aged 12, had him from a puppy) and the cat would, literally, lead it a dogs life. Pinch its food, swiped him with claws out when she wanted to play, got the best chair etc etc. My daughter found the said cat in a gutter as a kitten and we said we'd keep it until we could find it a good home. 16 years later and she's still here even though the daughter has grown up, got married and moved out.
So, sorry pal, but you'll be the lucky (?) keeper (no-one ever owns a cat) for some time to come.
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
I was appointed as feeder and bed cleaner by a cat when I was 4....the bloody thing was still around when I was 22.

Cats are a pure distillation of evil. Clever as a clever thing and always in charge.
 
#13
My sister recently got a cat, I told her she could have just said she hated me I would have understood.

I've only been hospitalised twice in my life due to non alchol induced injuries or illnesses and both times were due to a nasty allergy to cats.

Drown the lot of them

WW
 
#14
Marvellous animals are moggies! We've got five of them and two dogs (boxers). They all get along very well indeed with each other, but when push comes to shove, it's the moggies who rule the roost. We love 'em all!

MsG
 
#15
Fallschirmjager said:
I went out of my way to run a cat over in my car last month. I ran over its back legs.
I tried doing the same last week, but then remembered at the last moment that my Penis is more than fulfilling for my woman.

Ergo

I don't have a little red Fiat with two flat tyres
 
#17
Dashing_Chap said:
thegimp said:
get yourself a maine coon best of both worlds




I agree, my mother has one, those things are more like panthers! Big cats are clearly the superior creature. 8)

~D.C.
That looks like some of the feral cats we get in the outback, except they're not Maine coons- they start out as Mrs. Jones' wittle fwuffykins, a couple of generations later FOOMP, they're GBFO fearless killing machines.
 
#18
Drivers_log said:
I have a cat. It was bequeathed to me by my ex.

She told the police I was a wifebeater, never paid the mortgage for 6 months, sold my plastering trowel, put my dog in the dogs home, and left her cucking fat behind when she did a runner to The Isle Of Man.

I bet it lives forever in some sort of Edgar Allan Poe style nightmare.
Did you get your trowel back?
 
S

stabradop

Guest
#19
auscam said:
Dashing_Chap said:
thegimp said:
get yourself a maine coon best of both worlds




I agree, my mother has one, those things are more like panthers! Big cats are clearly the superior creature. 8)

~D.C.
That looks like some of the feral cats we get in the outback, except they're not Maine coons- they start out as Mrs. Jones' wittle fwuffykins, a couple of generations later FOOMP, they're GBFO fearless killing machines.
That is one seriously big cat, mate of mine had a Maine Coon, was nowhere near as big
 
#20
dennis10 said:
My neighbour has 4 cats. One is too fat to get over the fence, but the other 3 are always coming into my staffs turf. Two of the cats run off as soon as I let the beast out the door, but the other one just lays at the top of the garden and doesn't get intimidated at all, it even arches its back and swipes a paw at staffy and staffy runs off, with the 'fighting dog' reputation that staffs are supposed to have well and truly destroyed.


PS I suggest you revise the wording of your final sentence maninblack. It could be misinterpreted.
Next doors cat tried to front up my staffy bitch. Not pretty and the cat ended up in two pieces.
 

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