Begging letters

#1
I was chatting with Mrs 4-8 last night about the lottery and she said if we won what would we do about the begging letters. I said we would still send them

Well once again I missed out on the roll over lottery so it’s back to writing begging letters anyway.

Mine don’t seem to be working though and I suppose I need something more than -

“Dear Lottery winner/very rich person I’m a bit skint at the moment, please send me some dosh”.

Any ideas on a better letter that might convince someone to send me a couple of K?.

Cheers.
 
#2
"Put 2 million pounds in unmarked notes into a blue holdall on the london to edinburgh overnight sleeper train or the child dies."
 
#3
Try

"I'm an illegal immigrant, have seven children and no home"

Guaranteed income from your local authority, they may even throw in a house :thumright:
 
#4
I find sending parts of their labrador/youngest child through the post to them on a daily basis soon gets them to put their hands in their pockets.
 
#5
Why not write:
"I am a exiled Nigerian King who has funds to the tune of £50m, I have been given your name as a trusted person and would like to increase your fortunes by offering you 20% of my money, if I can transfer my money into your account to prevent the corrupt Nigerian Authorities from stealing it. Firstly in order to do this I will need your bank account details............"
 
#6
Hescoheed said:
Why not write:
"I am a exiled Nigerian King who has funds to the tune of £50m, I have been given your name as a trusted person and would like to increase your fortunes by offering you 20% of my money, if I can transfer my money into your account to prevent the corrupt Nigerian Authorities from stealing it. Firstly in order to do this I will need your bank account details............"
Where do i send them/ I am after a few extra pounds.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
Begging letters are risky, take time to write, and require too much though IMHO.

Track down lottery winner, visit them at home, say at 3am, with a gun and some plasticuffs, a pair of rubber gloves and a camera. That'll do all the begging you need.
 
#8
Dear Mr Livingstone
As an unemployable, single parent, gay, leftie, transsexual, drug dependant, moslem, serial pederast. I find it intolerable that London has not yet erected a monument to commemorate Freddie Mercuries arse.

His musical achievements are remembered even by the drab hetero tax paying scum. Freddies immense achievements in the field of anal bongo music are almost forgotten! I myself will not rest until Freddies sphincter is on everyones lips.

In lieu of a suitable monument or museum I am prepared to display my arse, painted bright blue, once a week for about half an hour , on the steps of either Westminster Abbey or the Cenotaph.

I feel sure that this will meet your approval and that you will commensurate my artistic effort with a grant of £6,000.00 per week! Think how much this will save in comparison to building a new museum!

Sincerely

Fuffy Tim!


P.S. I still have that Polaroid photo!
 
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