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Beer farts.....


I looked into that and it doesn’t fit. It’s only real ale that has this effect. It’s caused apparently by CO2 being given off by the still fermenting beer being accelerated by my body heat. What I’m looking for is some way to absorb the gas......

The sound is caused by several processes as the gas leaves, including causing your buttocks to wobble. You can reduce the sound level by lowering your trousers and keks and holding your arse checks apart.

This will also result in being thrown out of the pub, thereby limiting your ale intake.
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Try eating the black Spillers Shapes. Full of charcoal. Or burnt toast.


This is getting ridiculous .

I love a pint of proper beer. Nothing nicer. But I’ve noticed over the last couple of years that it’s having a disturbing effect on my guts.

4 pints of Butty Bach and I can’t sleep for the squeaking and gurgling noise from my stomach and the resultant flatulence is enough to make my eyes water. It’s not much fun for Mrs Ancient either apparently .

What’s the answer? My Grandad swore bu charcoal biscuits but I like to think that medical technology has moved on from the 1970’s.

Any suggestions?
Four pints you ******* lightweight. Drink eight sleep like a baby and gas the Mrs.

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