Been Done Before

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Markintime, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. I'm sure this has been done before but I can't find it and anyway we all need a little laugh at our friend's expense and it keeps us off Stonewall's back, or them off ours!

    Cut and paste too so not claiming any originality. ;)

    As I understand it this was written after the US failed to understand
    the British art of understatement. UK troops asked for assistance in
    Afghanistan saying that things were "getting a bit hairy". The US,
    thinking that was nothing to get too worried about didn't bother to send
    air support.

    Below is a review of the US allies in the War on Terror.

    The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
    threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from
    "Miffed"to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
    again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit
    Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
    Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
    Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
    level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
    alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
    are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent
    fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
    the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
    has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
    "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
    Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
    to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
    levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
    threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
    These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
    navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Armada.

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
    "BAAAA!". New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is
    "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

    The Americans meanwhile are carrying out preemptive strikes on all of
    their allies, just in case.
  2. I am mildly miffed,this has already been posted :D
  3. Several times :)
  4. Yes, but not today, so my personal alert level has dropped to "Mmmm".
  5. Bikini State Titter has been declared. Been done, but still raised a chuckle.