Becoming a Walt

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ravers, Sep 16, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Since every fucker is posting threads about Walts at the moment, I thought I'd get in and grab a piece of the action while it's still hot.

    Now I don't really have anything to gain by becoming a Walter, but since it appears to piss people off I'm gonna have to give it a try. I've been looking for a new hobby for ages.

    Now I've Walted before in a minor capacity, you know the usual shite, telling chicks your a fighter pilot etc. I even pretended I was into cricket once so I'd fit in at a dinner party, recently I appear to be Walting it as an internet agony uncle thanks to some of the posters on this site. I fancy a serious challenge though, I want to Walt it large, something really outlandish. I've got a few ideas already but if anyone has any good suggestions please let me know. It has to be vaguely believable, I have a bit of coin stashed away so purchasing some paraphernalia isn't out of the question.

    At the moment I'm considering Walting it as a Dakar rally driver. I have a big 4x4 truck already so a few stickers and some covies and I'll be onto a winner with that. What else can I pretend to be?
  2. A human perhaps?
  3. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Fuck that, it's too much effort.
  4. wedge_cadman

    wedge_cadman War Hero Reviewer Book Reviewer

    err i think you'll need urban cam combats for a level of believabilty.

    What about Space Tourist and Moonbase property developer. Obviously this is better for the gullibe and no need to buy the combats ;)
  5. At the risk of being topical how about the president of the Banditos MC in the UK?

    Should get you a few interesting stories out of it!
  6. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    That's exactly the sort of challenge I'm looking for, unfortunately I am yet to suffer the ravages of puberty so growing a big Mexican tash is completely out of the question.
  7. Wait until you move up north, then pretend to be a big game hunter from Zimbabwe.
    Emigrated back here from years in Africa, due to the countries instability.
    Just clutter your house with elephant feet umbrella stands, the odd lion head on your wall, and a BFO gun above the fire place.
    Pop down the pub wearing shorts in the middle of winter and wearing a bush hat. Telling tales of when you were nearly gouged to death by a rampaging bull elephent.

    No-one will know you, so no chance of being outed.
  8. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Now this idea I love.

  9. How about George Michaels Chauffeur?? Good for a few weeks I would have thought.
  10. The Pope. You can talk about your direct line to God.
  11. Financial advisor walt, this will go down a treat when you move oop North. Very lucrative if they start believing you and getting to to invest their hard earned for them.

    Nice Suit, big watch and fancy wheels, sorted!
  12. 'What else can I pretend to be?'

    You can 'Walt with Bashir' by pretending to be ex-IDF.
  13. IDF = Indirect Fire, getting shot out of a cannon?
  14. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I'm looking for something original, any dull fucker with an ebay account can Walt it as a member of the Armed Forces, besides there is no fucking way I'm tampering with my cock. It's only a hobby.
  15. Trainee astronaut with NASA. In UK at USAF Mildenhall with fast jet squadron testing avionics components and ejector seats at mach 3.0.
    Best mates with HRH and waiting for him to arrive with the chinook that you are taking across the Alps for a cocktail party at St Moritz with Brad Pitt and his missus.