Because Im a Man.......

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by intergeri, Jul 20, 2009.

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  1. Was gonna post up some jokes but not sure if i can anymore so instead........

    Because I'm a Man

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
  2. more patronising sh!te, just what is needed.
  3. Don't cry guys, it's only words.
  4. And this is why this site has gone shite....
  5. Has your boyfriend dumped you? Or given you the slap you richly deserved Intergeri? No need to take it out on the rest of us is there?
  6. Go and take a bucket load of f ucking paracetamol and drink bleach you dull f ucking pointless c unt.
  7. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    What a load of fucking cack!

    + what Troops said
  8. Golfing holidays? God (Allah, Buddha, the Oak tree and in fact any perceived deity) forbid.
  9. See what happens when women are allowed to post without a man's permission?
  10. So its my fault? I thought we had to be careful what we posted now, keep it safe? Obviously the rules should include no stereotyping men along with no slagging gender, race etc...... Get a fcuking grip.

    As stated would've posted the jokes but apparently that's not allowed anymore.
  11. Nothing to do with gender etc, you're just a dull cunt.
  12. And in need of a slap or three to keep you in line.
  13. Im glad you didnt post any of your "jokes" as from previous experience of them, they're about as funny as open scrotum surgery with no anaesthetic.

    You're duller than a beige wall in a dimly lit room.

    The only possible way you could make me laugh is if you disembowelled yourself on webcam.
  14. Cut your c0ck off you irrelevant self righteous cnut
  15. Whats a cu[/b]nt?

    Editted because Johno edited his (twice) in the time I was faffing around