Beastialitys best boys..... Im in the SHlT

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BFG 9000, Feb 9, 2008.

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  1. I just got a bollocking from Mrs BFG......

    When out & about in the car with BFG 900 & BFG 90, they tend to demand that we listen to their music on the stereo - this means endless hours of nursery rhymes. The latest tape includes "Tie me kangaroo down sport".

    Mrs BFG is demanding to know why in the middle of the chorus, the sprogs are shouting "Shag a wallaby". I had to explain, that this was caused by an unfortunate instinctive reaction.....

    Anyone else been in trouble for teaching kids anything inappropriate?


  2. Good job you don't have the Yogi Bear song then innit! :D
  3. How can you not sing 'shag a wallaby' its instinctive...Give mrs BFG the tie me kangeroo down sport test!!
  4. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes

    My mate's son learned at a very early age that a chorus of

    "All the lads were cheerin',
    Get the fcuking beer in"

    would bring him a handful of cash for doing the honours. Much to the chargin of his mother.
  5. My nipper, aged four when asked what she wanted to do last weekend replied 'Daddy, can we go to the magical and mysterious beyond' I looked at her, all cute wondering 'where the fcuk did that come from'

    I said 'Sweetheart, I might struggle with that, we can go to the pictures or the park but I don't know how to get to magical mysterious beyond'

    'You've ruined my day you dick' was her response....

    I burst out laughing, which in hindsight was possibly the worse thing I could have done, guess it just goes to show they pick up every tiny little thing you say.

    Good shop he didn't over here the conversation I had with a might of mine who was whining.. yes whining at being stranded in Amsterdam overnight for missing his plane.... Soft cnut
  6. On questioning by her mother as to where she learned and why she had just said the F word, my 3 year old replied "thats what daddy says when he has an accident".
  7. Try teaching your saucepans some of the songs from the old Derek & Clive albums.......that would really make their schoolmates sit up & take notice! (Especially the ones entitled "Jump" & the "My Mum Song") :wink:
  8. the 'I've got the horn' song is pretty good too.

    while in Angola I may have been involved in teaching local kids to sing 'who ate all the pies'
  9. the diahorrhea song from Parenthood can be quite effective, sung loud and proud whilst stuck in traffic with the windows open! Fairly apt for you too MDN given your record for skiddy ND's
  10. Agreed on that one, still think the "My Mum Song" is way out in front for sheer perversity though :wink:
    When I was serving I had a mate who had a 5yo son; when little'un was out playing in the back garden of the MQ, his neighbour (Sgt who he used to work with) used to give little'un 50p to "go & say this word to your Dad" & teach him a new one each time......but little'un was smarter than that. One time he was out shopping with his Mum & Dad, Sat morning in busy town centre. Suddenly he goes skipping off in front into the crowds, shouting "Clitoris, clitoris!" at the top of his voice.
    Cue lots of red faces from old ladies; Mum & Dad looked at each other as if to say "I didn't teach him that one!". Then realisation dawned; they both said simultaneously "S.......(neighbour's name)!"
    BTW, little'un is now in his mid-20s & a serving soldier himself. They obviously trained him well :rofl:
  11. mate (who could fart for his country) has a 3yr old.
    When returning 3yr old to his mother, the child lets rip with the most enormous fart - impressive for a elephant let alone a small child. His mother looks appalled at the shocking lack of manners. In an attempt to placate the mother, my mate says to his child 'What do you say?' to which the child raises a thumb and goes 'NICE ONE!'
  12. Couple of years ago I was round a friends house and their 21 month old daughter was playing with a pair of coloured plastic fish. She then offered one to dad saying,"Daddy, that's your fcuking fish and that's my fcuking fish!".

    Que myself and his wife pissing ourselves laughing as daddy resisted the temptation to laugh and corrected his daughter with, "Yes, that's my blue fish and that's your red fish".
  13. My 3 year old daughter once said "shit". Fortunately I stopped myself laughing, and gently told her that there were some things that grown ups say sometimes, but that children shouldn't. At this point my 5 year old son helpfully added "Yes- like 'Jesus Christ on a bicycle'". Where did THAT come from?
  14. Children as we know, ARE the future, however some days you COULD just strangle the little bleeders!
    I was shopping in the week with Mini-H, who's 4 next month.
    queing at the chechout of my local Co-op, the well known place for thrifty food bargains, and my everyday one-stop shop, Mini-H is stood there laughing her little head off, and pointing at my shirt. saying ''Daddy, you look like Mummy!! , when i asked her why, she said,in a very loud way so the whole que could hear, '''cos, Daddy, you've got BOOBIES!!'',
    Charming!!! as we left the shop (rather quickly, i might add) she was shouting at the top of her voice, and i quote ''Daddy is a lady-boy, Daddy is a Lady-boy''.
    Now, Who taught her THAT at nursery??????
  15. Fox Jr & I were once in a rather posh coffee shop when she said "Bugger". Cue glares all round. In a bid to retrieve the situation, I said "We don't say that do we Fox Jr"?

    Little darling paused for a heartbeat, then said:

    "That's right Daddy. And we don't say Fuck & we don't say For Christ's sake".

    It wasn't just me though. In the same shop with her mother, another customer uttered a profanity. The owner turned to Fox Jr & said "That's not a nice word is it?"

    My heroine apparently replied "No, my mummy says Bollocks"!