Bears

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#21
Ozgerbobble said:
......

3) WOMEN: Do not start out on a hike while on your monthly cycle. Again, the animals are attracted to scents, and bears especially have been known to violently attack women who are on their monthly cycle.
If you would begin your cycle while on the trail, stop your hike and return to civilization.

......
Monthly cycle ?

Shouldn't they be using mountain bikes in the Rockies ?
 
#22
Damn, and there was me thinking that this thread was going to be an admission on RTFQ's part that he was into fat, hairy East-germans, and we were all going to lay into him about it until he threatened to bring said bears around to duff us all up... :( :lol:
 
#23
Just read what Oz has just written and apart from the pepper spray totally contradicts what Ray Mears says. :? But i reckon common sense is your best weopon. so heres may two penneth worth:

Spray 'Pepper Spray' in its eyes, if it cant see you, it cant chase you.
If you happen across a cub bear, schitt yourself. Get out of there sharpish, Mummy bear is going to be none to impressed.
If a bear walks towards you drop your rucksack, and walk away. Hopefully the bear will be more interested in the rucksack/coat than you. Long enough to make good your escape. (remember where you dropped your rucksack though)
If a bear does charge at you make yourself as big and loud as possible, and only as a last resort, play dead and prepare yourself for the biggest kicking youve ever had.
Generaly though bears find Humans irritating and would rather avoid them so a bear is more likely to sense you first and disappear.

Just to put your mind at ease, the biggest killer in Alaska and any place that has bears and gets fairly cold is Hypothermia. Bear attacks are way down the list

Enjoy your trip :D

SK

p.s Has any one done a google on bears, feckin dont. More gay porn sites than...... 8O
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#24
Ozgerbobble said:
Also check to see if the bear has a "Fish and Game" Tag attached to the ear. If so try to get the number on it. The numbers are large and easy to spot at a distance.
Do you do this before or after the bear has ripped your arms and legs off and battered you with the soggy ends? Still, no doubt when ole Yogi realises you've taken his number, he'll back off straightaway.:D
 
#25
No, East Germans lick skips, everyone knows that.

Croat girls, now that's a different matter. Stunners one and all. When I die I'm chosing Croat Heaven - I must be owed a few virgins. Who I can trade in for whores.
 
#26
Canadian (poor) joke:

So this bloke (lets call him Ted) is out hunting (sans red jacket) moose and comes across this absolutely g'enormous Grizzly.

He thinks, “Now that would look f*cking A in front of the old fire place.”

He gets into position, lines up with his trustee Remmington and BOOM, shoots the b*stard square on. Bear drops and Ted jumps up with a whoop and runs down to the river bank to claim his prize.

Ted gets to where (he thought) the bear fell and ………..no bear. He scratches his head and starts to say “now where the f*ck did that…”

Tap on the shoulder. Ted turns around. Bear (looking none to pleased) says, “So, you’se the b*stard that shot me”. Ted, doing his goldfish impression, kinda nods his head and thinks “SH*T”.

The bear says, “So, I think there are two options here. One, I rip off your head and eat you or two, I f*ck you up the arse?”. Ted, considers his options and sacrifices his ring piece.

Humiliated, Ted walks (well, kinda waddles really) away, swearing vengeance!

Next week, Ted searches the bush for the rapist bear. This time, he has a gpmg with him. He finds the bear by the same riverbank. “Now I’ve got you, ya f*cker” and lets rip with 250 rounds of the finest 7.62 has to offer.

The riverbank is a mess, but Ted wanders down, searching the carnage of trees, bushes and mangled salmon. No bear! “But that’s not right” thinks our hero. Tap, tap, tap! “No way” says Ted as he turns around and sees our indestructible bear.

“Ah, you again. Well, options still stand, so what’s it going to be?” Ted assumes the position.

A week later, an enraged (and very incontinent) Ted, searches the river bank with a rocket launcher and finding his nemesis, he fires with an insane cry of “TAKE THAT YOGI”

After the smoke clears, Ted crawls from his hide and surveys the horror that was once a picturesque scene of glorious wilderness.

Tap, tap, tap. “You’re not really out here for the hunting, are you!”
 
#27
RTFQ said:
Fcuk it, I'm booking a B&B in Falluja via Lastminute.com
I wouldnt Last Minute are just about to go bankrupt.
 
#28
chickenpunk said:
Ozgerbobble said:
Also check to see if the bear has a "Fish and Game" Tag attached to the ear. If so try to get the number on it. The numbers are large and easy to spot at a distance.
Do you do this before or after the bear has ripped your arms and legs off and battered you with the soggy ends? Still, no doubt when ole Yogi realises you've taken his number, he'll back off straightaway.:D
We did see a few but they were too busy knocking fook out of the winnebagos looking for food to worry about us :lol: .....................never saw any tags
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#29
From the How To Survive a Walk in the Woods manual :-

The "don't surprise the bears" idea is pretty good, so sewing little bells onto your clothing would let them know you're around.

If the pepper spray is the only thing you're allowed to carry then do so.

But you'll only be in danger in bear country so look for spoor, (sign.)

Bear scat is easily identified as it smells of pepper and is full of little bells......

:wink:
 
#30
Cutaway said:
Ozgerbobble said:
......

3) WOMEN: Do not start out on a hike while on your monthly cycle. Again, the animals are attracted to scents, and bears especially have been known to violently attack women who are on their monthly cycle.
If you would begin your cycle while on the trail, stop your hike and return to civilization.

......
Monthly cycle ?

Shouldn't they be using mountain bikes in the Rockies ?
Exactly :wink:

Most of the women we saw on the trail seemed to be suffering from what those whove been to Batus know as "ABS" Alberta Butt Syndrome and would be lucky to get on a bike 8O
 
#31
I hike in the Rockies and bear country quite a lot.

I always carry a can of Bear spray around with me. It can act like a tear gas can, or you can wait until the bear is in range and spray him. It has been known to work well.

I encountered a lot of bears, and if you do see one you just have to keep your head about you.

99% of bear attacks results from a surprise encounter with a bear. If the bear hears you coming he will move off. But if you come around a corner and startle it, you can really piss them off. Having a set of bells attached to your backpack works wonders. Also clapping your hand when you are moving through dense wood helps, it is not like anyone else can see you so I do it a lot.

If you see a black bear, you are probably safe. Have a good look around to see if it is a Mother bear with cubs. If so, move out of the area queitly and quickly. Black bears are fast, so if you are attacked it may be better to play dead and take a licking.

But black brears also scare easily, I scared one off myself while hiking by raising my arms in the air and screaming 'Roar!' It was funny, but I only did it because my brother was standing next to me with a 40/40 rifle.

If you encounter a brown bear, or god help you a grizzly bear, understand that you are in a very dangerous situation! If a brown bear decides to kick the crap out of you, or eat you, there is not much you can do about it.

This is where the pepper spray, shotguns, or rifles come in handy. I personally don't think guns are useful in those situations as you will not have time to react and pull your gun out. If the pepper spray is hung within reach on the outside of your pack it should be very helpful.

If you are caught without protection it would be better to play dead if you are charged by the bear.
 
#32
Bears, Shmears. Just make a load of noise in your travels and they'll avoid you...
COUGARS...thats were the threat is...nasty bastiches...
truly the scariest pussy in the bush!
 
#33
shortfuse said:
serious advice , is to wear bright clothing and make a load of noise (bit like signals on excercise)
hope this helps.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#34
Just wear a Bacon waistcoat RTFQ. The bears will think you are taking the p*ss, shake their heads and amble off.
 
#35
RTFQ said:
Once watched really w@nky film with an ex with Brad Pits. He wrestles a bear, reckon I could give it a go?
Absolutely not. Only a trained Hollywood film star can best a bear in hand to hand combat. A layman should not attempt to duplicate this feat.

There are a couple of quite good revolver cartridges suitable for dealing with aggressive bears.

.454 Casull. The Taurus "Raging Bull" chambers this one.

.50 S&W. Said by the manufacturer to be suitable against any game animal in the western hemisphere. I believe it, though I never shot one.

It's great to have some protection you can carry in a holster, leaving your hands free.

They sell pepper gas foggers over here for bear protection. I've never used one and don't know anyone who has. It might be irrational prejudice on my part, but the idea doesn't appeal to me. With my luck, I'd encounter a bear that enjoys pepper with its meat.
 
#36
As they said in our "bear aware" video:

A bear may attack if it feels threatened, in these cases play dead and it will go away.
"However if the bear starts to eat you it is no longer acting defensivly and you must FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!"

After a fortnight at trailsend i decided there are no bears, they are like DPM paint, keys to the parade square and backpay.
Also, they are suposed to be good climbers, but where the hell do you buy a harness and stickies for somthing 12 foot tall and a good part of a ton in weight? Obviously a fabrication.
 
#37
The pepper spray is your best bet, but make sure you get "Bear-gard" which is considerably more powerful than the stuff you use on your best mate on his stag night (yes Ray, I know I'm a cnut, it was 11 years ago, let it go!) an air-horn is also useful, as is a Co2 extinguisher, bit heavy though.
I dont know how ballsy you are, but although you might not be able to legally get your hands on a shooter, you may be able to get a bow. Ohhh yes, theoretically, you should be able to take out a bear with a compound bow, but you will need nads like cantaloupes! 8O
Have fun! :lol:
 
#38
PhaseSpace said:
I personally don't think guns are useful in those situations as you will not have time to react and pull your gun out.
But then there's this story:

http://www.adn.com/front/story/5591480p-5522882c.html

I was in Wyoming a couple of months ago and was advised by Forest Service staff to carry bear spray. I bought UDAP Pepper Power spray, which was recommended by the nice lady in the tackle shop in Dubois. It cost just under $50, with tax, if I remember correctly. The nice lady also said that she and her husband always carried large calibre hand guns as well when they went into the woods.

The little bells are supposed to be a good idea, even though you feel a fool.

I think bear attacks are rare - but that's no consolation if one comes after you. I'm looking at taking a firearm next time I go, though it's not easy to do legally.
 
#39
A mate of mine was issued Schermulies: they were told to lie down and play dead but if the bear came up for a closer inspection to fire the Schermuly at him from close range!

Now that would either a) really piss the bear off or b) result in hilarious sight of bear running around on fire.

Once again, balls of steel needed though.
 
#40
So - this thing about a Fish and Game tag was a wah, right? Me, I'd settle for the company of Stumpy in bear country. That or a coupla thermobaric RPGs...punch of a 120mm artillery round....
 
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