Bears

#1
Right, I'm going trekking through bear country soon (not skelmersdale, although the birds are quite rough there - the Rockies). Someone claiming to be an "ex-spurt" on the subject reckons if you get attacked by one you should....play dead.

Can someone out there confirm that this tactic would be more successful than putting a .300 Winchester Magnum through the fcukers face?

Is this part of the same category of advice that claims you should:

a. Kiss a shark on the nose when it's eating you to "disarm it". Fcuk Off...
b. Run in zig zags to avoid a croc attack.
c. Dip your old man in dettol when you've got a dose from Sticky Jean
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#2
I would try the .300 Win Mag first, and if that doesn't work, you might as well feckin' play dead.
 
#3
serious advice , is to wear bright clothing and make a load of noise (bit like signals on excercise) the bear will then f*ck off away from you.

unless you have a picnic basket.

in which case bear and small sidekick will hatch a half arrsed plan to steal said picnic basket , before ranger smith can catch them.

hope this helps.
 

Unknown_Quantity

War Hero
Moderator
#4
chickenpunk said:
I would try the .300 Win Mag first, and if that doesn't work, you might as well feckin' play dead.
It'll save time when the bear with a .300 round in its face get's to you :D
 
#5
RTFQ said:
Right, I'm going trekking through bear country soon (not skelmersdale, although the birds are quite rough there - the Rockies). Someone claiming to be an "ex-spurt" on the subject reckons if you get attacked by one you should....play dead.

Can someone out there confirm that this tactic would be more successful than putting a .300 Winchester Magnum through the fcukers face?

Is this part of the same category of advice that claims you should:

a. Kiss a shark on the nose when it's eating you to "disarm it". Fcuk Off...
b. Run in zig zags to avoid a croc attack.
c. Dip your old man in dettol when you've got a dose from Sticky Jean
As Chickenpunk says, .300 first. I recall they used to teach it but they interviewed the wife of the husband who was eaten and he tried 'playing dead.' 8O

The other one 'they' say is run down hill, bears can't. Bollox, they not only run down hill, they run a lot faster than you can. Obviously, don't climb a tree either.

Just take a big pot of honey, some 'pooh' sticks (cue rude inuendo's), and act like Christopher Robin 8)
 
#7
RTFQ said:
Right, I'm going trekking through bear country soon (not skelmersdale, although the birds are quite rough there - the Rockies). Someone claiming to be an "ex-spurt" on the subject reckons if you get attacked by one you should....play dead.

Can someone out there confirm that this tactic would be more successful than putting a .300 Winchester Magnum through the fcukers face?

Is this part of the same category of advice that claims you should:

a. Kiss a shark on the nose when it's eating you to "disarm it". Fcuk Off...
b. Run in zig zags to avoid a croc attack.
c. Dip your old man in dettol when you've got a dose from Sticky Jean
Take a leaf out of John Wests book like this guy

http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=1976&type=coolad

:lol:
 
#8
Shortfuze (note correct spelling of fuze :wink: )

Good advice mate, appreciated.
If I'm going to act like the scalies on ex, should I have tesco carrier bags hanging off my bergan alongside the mess tins, and never wander more than 35m from my boxbody (which is complete with heating and TV), oh and leave my rifle with my mate dave, coz he's watching it while he plays GTA3 on the playstation?

Once watched really w@nky film with an ex with Brad Pits. He wrestles a bear, reckon I could give it a go?
 
#9
You should take someone with you.



2 wildlife photographers on safari in Kenya when they see a lion, which looks a bit frisky and is obviously preparing to attack

one of them takes his pack off, extracts a pair of Reeboks and starts putting them on

the other one says 'why are you bothering mate? You won't outrun a lion even in Reeboks'

'no,' says the first one, 'but I'll sure as hell outrun you. Mate.'

The old ones are the best.
 
#10
Thanks, Booboo.

I've got a friend called Yogi Bear, Yogi, Yogi etc etc.
Make sure any food is double-bagged at night and stored away from sleeping areas / in the vehicle / up high. You really do not need a hungry grizzly knocking on your tent to get at the unwrapped food he smells in there!
 
#12
Was thinking of waiting until gurlfriend goes on the rag then go out and drag her behind us on 50m of paracord. Any beasties will pick up her sent and take her out - not only giving us plenty of warning but also doing me a cheesy quaver into the deal.
 
#13
Fantastic moment at the start of the AT phase of Pond Jump about ten years ago when the resident tree spotter finishes off his, 'don't keep food in the tents' chat with words along the lines of:

"If a black bear attacks you - punch it in the nose, it will probably then run off. If a Brown bear attacks you - play dead, it will probably leave you alone but don't punch it whatever happens. That'll just get it mad and then you're fleeced.

Oh, one final thing to remember guys, you do get black brown bears and brown black bears. Enjoy your stay in Jasper now."

Happy days.

I need to get out more.
 
#14
Unfortunately for you it seems the only people getting killed in the Rockies by bears are the Brits whom seem to think "its Paddington"

anyway, don't run, they are faster and would treat this as a sport

playing dead will work (apparently) as they like their meat to squirm. HOWEVER, people who have survived by playing dead, also get the f*ck knocked out of them as the bear attempts to discover if you are worth eating.

I would personally recommend the firearm option, but since you're going to be in Canada, forget it! they won't let you. (and if you did, the westie weirdo’s would probably charge you with killing out of season)

So, ask the local ranger what's up and buy an anti-bear device (no I am not taking the p*ss you can get them, but they cost and in the process of scaring away the bear - like a flash/bang grenade- they also knock you and any other living creature within 5 meters that is smaller than a bear, out!) of course, whilst your unconscious and recovering the bear will probably come back and kicked the sh*t out of ya.

Enjoy!
 
#15
OK, cheers PY, do any of you spams live near the border. I'll pay you to help smuggle some protection over. If you think I'm wandering around there with a fcuking noisy smoke grenade you can think on. I'm either going tooled or I'm staying here and watching gentle ben. What if I meet a french canadian? I can't kill the cnut with my bare hands, I might catch something!
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#16
300 Win Mag ? Yeah, that should do it, else brush it's teeth with half a dozen 12 Bore slugs.

Will they let you carry in the area you're visiting ?

All the experts reckon that playing dead is the correct response - a bit difficult perhaps - unless you're dead. :lol:

Also as Shortfuse says, make a racket so's Yogi doesn't get surprised - otherwise he'll act like...... er, a surprised bear 8O

But remember, if it's close enough to wrestle with you, you've not done your job as a rifleman !


Have fun anyway.

:wink:
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#17
Cutaway said:
But remember, if it's close enough to wrestle with you, you've not done your job as a rifleman !
Good point, Cutaway. I think to be on the safe side, I would be opening up from the 300 metre firing point, and probably going with a .458 Mag. I'm not sure I would have the self control to lie quietly thinking of England whilst a feck-off Grizzly gave me the once over.
 
#18
At this rate, I'll be going nowhere without at least one gimpy providing the foot-on-the-ground, a pointman with an 870, a couple of 203s and a WMIK with M79 covering my arrse. Oh and one of those spam Spectre AC-130 Jobbies flying CAP.

Fcuk it, I'm booking a B&B in Falluja via Lastminute.com, at least they don't eat you over there.

Do they?
 
#19
This was sent to me when i did an Exp to Yellowstone from one of their rangers..........bit cheesy yank but some good points

I made sure the lads read the bit about ladies :wink:

I would always advise a bear proof container on any trip to the backcountry.
* Bear Spray, or Pepper Spray
If, indeed, you are confronted by a bear and it is going to attack, pepper spray can be your saviour. One word of advice is sure before you spray you check the direction of the wind because this spray can backfire right into your eyes.
This powerful spray can down a bear and give you ample time to remove yourself from the dangerous situation. Aim for the face and eyes of the bear. Once you have the bear will turn and run away trying to remove the spray by rubbing with their paws or on the brush in the area. Still, unfortunately an occasion could arise where a confrontation from a bear could turn for the worse. Here are some common sense ideas to keep in mind if this should arise.
* Keep a cool head this is a crisis situation and the worst thing you can do is panic and run. Never try to outrun a bear because they move much faster than you think. An average bear can run up to 25 MPH: a human doesn’t have that capability usually.
Also check to see if the bear has a "Fish and Game" Tag attached to the ear. If so try to get the number on it. The numbers are large and easy to spot at a distance.
* Never remove your pack some people feel that the extra weight of a pack will hamper your agility in a confrontation with a bear. This is not true and in fact it provides extra protection to your body if the bear does grab, or roll on you.
* Roll, Cover and Ball Up If the bear looks as if it is going into a full confrontation, Drop to the Ground, Roll into a foetal position, Cover your Head Chest and abdomen by rolling yourself into a tight ball.
These areas are crucial areas and should at all costs be protected.
* Do Not Yell and Flail Sure you’re frightened, but again keep your head and DO NOT flail your arms or yell during the attack. This could be misconstrued as aggression on your part. At least that is what a bear may think. Usually if you allow the bear to roll on you and proceed with the attack and you’re still in your tight ball, the bear will give up and deem you dead, therefore you again are no threat and the bear will wander away.
DO NOT MOVE until you are positive the bear is out of the area. Bears can and will re-attack if you decide to show signs of life or make noises. Be still and wait it out.
If you are attacked by a bear, report this attack to the nearest Ranger station. They will want a full report and often they will track and tag the bear of remove it from the area if it is a known offender. With all that bear attacks and confrontations of any type are easy to avoid if you follow these common sense steps.
1) At your campsite, never leave dirty dishes unwashed, lying unprotected. Left over food is a welcome mat for any animal in the wilderness.
2) Never leave cosmetics or soaps lying freely at your campsite. This again is a welcome mat for especially bears. Bears are attracted to scents, and the sweeter smelling the better the chance to have one come visit your campsite.
3) WOMEN: Do not start out on a hike while on your monthly cycle. Again, the animals are attracted to scents, and bears especially have been known to violently attack women who are on their monthly cycle.
If you would begin your cycle while on the trail, stop your hike and return to civilization.
Remember, while in the backcountry never put yourself in a situation where a bear attack could occur.
Your best defence is your own common sense. Be alert and safe and enjoy your hike.
 
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