Bear Hunt

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by PFGEN, May 1, 2012.

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  1. Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska.
    The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot.
    There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.
    The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death, or two, we have sex."
    He bends over for the bear. He's sore for a few days, but he recovers and vows revenge.

    Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him.
    At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him.
    The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
    Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged!

    Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range.
    There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.
    …
    …
    …
    …
    …

    The polar bear says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
     
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  2. [FONT=arial,helvetica]This baby polar bear was sat with his mum on an ice berg.

    "Mum," he asked, "am I a real polar bear?"

    "Yes darling, of course you are." his mother answered.

    "Yeah but, am I a proper polar bear, you know, a real one?"

    "Yes dear," his mum replied, "You're dad is a polar bear, I'm a polar bear and your sister's a polar bear."

    "I know that mum," he said, "but am I a proper polar bear?"

    "Of course you are" said his mum, "now shut up and eat your penguin."

    A minute later the baby polar bear asks "Mum, I know what you've said, but am I really a proper polar bear?"

    "Look," she says, "you are a proper bloody polar bear alright. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep asking me that?"

    "Well," he replies, "I'm fucking freezing"[/FONT]
     
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  3. Why is the last bullshit? because penguins live at the SOUTH pole.
     
  4. I'm surprised that given nearly four years to formulate your reply you hadn't considered that polar bears that can talk might be able to get penguins delivered?
     
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  5. Touche Monsiieur.
     
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  6. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    It's been known to occur...deliveries that is.

     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2016
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  7. Won't do them any good, with their big paws they can't take the wrappers off!!

    I'll get my coat.
     
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