Be The Man

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Scotch_Mist, Sep 29, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

    Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns
    17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can neve have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

    Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love
    saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch
    socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

    Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99p ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer
    or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

    Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted
    men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

    Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your
    man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

    Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men
    drink whiskey or beer.

    Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they
    are earthy.

    Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels
    absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

    Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he
    will always have parts left over.

    Rule #10 Home Base,Wickes, Halfords, and B&Q are excellent mens stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
    "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Escort? Wow! Thanks."

    Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a
    100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

    Rule #12: Tickets to a rugby/football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to
    "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

    Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to
    Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

    Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step
    ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

    Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says
    love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.