BBQ rules

#1
Inspired:

BBQ RULES



It is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:



Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.



Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.


More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat



Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.


More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.



And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
 
#3
Haha. I couldn't even add any to that, because those are THE rules.
 
#4
I fear there is something not quite right…….. the rules as given appear to indicate that the man only consumes 2 beverages during this process. :? Even in the time it takes to lightly grill (incinerate) a burger more than 2 drinks would surely be required?

Maybe there should be an over-arching rule whereby the woman replenishes beverages as required. :D :D
 
#5
and just to add rule 13.....................


Woman organises flowers, get well cards etc for guests hospitalised due to effects of undercooked chicken, raw pork. :wink:


Men and BBQs - don't ya just love 'em?
 
#6
mwl946 said:
and just to add rule 13.....................


Woman organises flowers, get well cards etc for guests hospitalised due to effects of undercooked chicken, raw pork. :wink:


Men and BBQs - don't ya just love 'em?

Now listen my love, you know it is the womans duties to pre-cook all meat. I have seen it on the TV, therefore any food poisoning is the womans fault :wink:
 
#7
right-grumpy said:
mwl946 said:
and just to add rule 13.....................


Woman organises flowers, get well cards etc for guests hospitalised due to effects of undercooked chicken, raw pork. :wink:


Men and BBQs - don't ya just love 'em?

Now listen my love, you know it is the womans duties to pre-cook all meat. I have seen it on the TV, therefore any food poisoning is the womans fault :wink:
That will be rule 14 then????? :wink:
 
#9
right-grumpy said:
I fear there is something not quite right…….. the rules as given appear to indicate that the man only consumes 2 beverages during this process. :? Even in the time it takes to lightly grill (incinerate) a burger more than 2 drinks would surely be required?

Maybe there should be an over-arching rule whereby the woman replenishes beverages as required. :D :D
Ah but it's TWO of THESE.... :D

 
T

trowel

Guest
#10
spike7451 said:
right-grumpy said:
I fear there is something not quite right…….. the rules as given appear to indicate that the man only consumes 2 beverages during this process. :? Even in the time it takes to lightly grill (incinerate) a burger more than 2 drinks would surely be required?

Maybe there should be an over-arching rule whereby the woman replenishes beverages as required. :D :D
Ah but it's TWO of THESE.... :D

Where can you buy those things these days ? The antique beer shop?
 
#11
Reul 13 - any dirty crabfats present are to be beaten for the evenings entertainment. they will be grateful for being shown the error of there ways and will spend the rest of the night fetching the stellas for the glorious army.
 
#12
right-grumpy said:
mwl946 said:
and just to add rule 13.....................


Woman organises flowers, get well cards etc for guests hospitalised due to effects of undercooked chicken, raw pork. :wink:


Men and BBQs - don't ya just love 'em?

Now listen my love, you know it is the womans duties to pre-cook all meat. I have seen it on the TV, therefore any food poisoning is the womans fault :wink:

Anyway, what's the fuss about food poisoning? Its only a way of enjoying yourself in reverse.
 
#13
Are you lot total fecking BBQ clueless? Have you no idea of lineage, breeding and tradition that goes into the ancient and noble ceremony of lighting the BBQ?
This is only carried out by the dominant males who band together to light the firelighters. They then take it in turns to turn red trying to turn themselves into human bellows in order to get the flames going. Once flame and smoke has been successfully achieved all males will huddle to enjoy beers as a solemn recognition of their primordial dominance and ability to create fire. Only after this ceremony has been successfully concluded may the burning of the meat sacrifice take place. Traditionally the dominant 'bulls' partake of little meat as it can interfere with the inflow of beer.
 
#15
why is there ''salad and veg'' at a barbecue oh and cutlery eat with your fingers or make sandwiches
 
#16
This is one of the rare events where;

a.Man organises the beer.
b. Man organises ice etc for beer.
c. Woman is not required to fetch and carry beer (except to get drinks for another woman).
 
#17
smallbore said:
This is one of the rare events where;

a.Man organises the beer.
b. Man organises ice etc for beer.
c. Woman is not required to fetch and carry beer (except to get drinks for another woman).

I forgot to add;

The most important role of a woman at a BBQ is to hand over her hair dryer. It gets the charcoal up to white hot temperature in seconds (using the man's extension lead).
 
#19
Utter rubbish, you lot have never been to a BBQ at Chez Slug. There was no mention of men kissing men, gazebos being put up in the rain, projectile vomiting, naked run rounds and wanking into other peoples' socks.

You wusses!!!!!
 
#20
Markintime said:
Are you lot total fecking BBQ clueless? Have you no idea of lineage, breeding and tradition that goes into the ancient and noble ceremony of lighting the BBQ?
This is only carried out by the dominant males who band together to light the firelighters. They then take it in turns to turn red trying to turn themselves into human bellows in order to get the flames going. Once flame and smoke has been successfully achieved all males will huddle to enjoy beers as a solemn recognition of their primordial dominance and ability to create fire. Only after this ceremony has been successfully concluded may the burning of the meat sacrifice take place. Traditionally the dominant 'bulls' partake of little meat as it can interfere with the inflow of beer.
Excellent!

But you did forget to include one vital element of the Fire Quest Ceremony. After much redness of face and failure to ignite charcoal there is the traditional facial hair removal of the sacrificial fire starter. This usually follows when an onlooking dominant male clutching a beer utters the holy phrase: "I've got an idea how to get it going ..."
 
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