BBQ rules

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by msr, Mar 31, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. msr

    msr LE



    It is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

    (1) The woman buys the food.
    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
    (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

    Here comes the important part:

    More routine...
    (6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
    (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

    Important again:

    More routine...
    (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
    (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

    And most important of all:
    (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
    (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
  2. Im sorry but once the Gin is open you're on your own..... all the best...
  3. Haha. I couldn't even add any to that, because those are THE rules.
  4. I fear there is something not quite right…….. the rules as given appear to indicate that the man only consumes 2 beverages during this process. :? Even in the time it takes to lightly grill (incinerate) a burger more than 2 drinks would surely be required?

    Maybe there should be an over-arching rule whereby the woman replenishes beverages as required. :D :D
  5. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    and just to add rule 13.....................

    Woman organises flowers, get well cards etc for guests hospitalised due to effects of undercooked chicken, raw pork. :wink:

    Men and BBQs - don't ya just love 'em?

  6. Now listen my love, you know it is the womans duties to pre-cook all meat. I have seen it on the TV, therefore any food poisoning is the womans fault :wink:
  7. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    That will be rule 14 then????? :wink:
  8. Lol this is too true.
  9. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Ah but it's TWO of THESE.... :D

  10. Where can you buy those things these days ? The antique beer shop?
  11. Reul 13 - any dirty crabfats present are to be beaten for the evenings entertainment. they will be grateful for being shown the error of there ways and will spend the rest of the night fetching the stellas for the glorious army.

  12. Anyway, what's the fuss about food poisoning? Its only a way of enjoying yourself in reverse.
  13. Are you lot total fecking BBQ clueless? Have you no idea of lineage, breeding and tradition that goes into the ancient and noble ceremony of lighting the BBQ?
    This is only carried out by the dominant males who band together to light the firelighters. They then take it in turns to turn red trying to turn themselves into human bellows in order to get the flames going. Once flame and smoke has been successfully achieved all males will huddle to enjoy beers as a solemn recognition of their primordial dominance and ability to create fire. Only after this ceremony has been successfully concluded may the burning of the meat sacrifice take place. Traditionally the dominant 'bulls' partake of little meat as it can interfere with the inflow of beer.
  14. What's "SALAD" doing at a BBQ?
  15. why is there ''salad and veg'' at a barbecue oh and cutlery eat with your fingers or make sandwiches