Sprinting along the freeway, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a mighty sword, cometh Nutstrangler! And he gives a bloodthirsty bellow: "I'm going to contort you until you're translucent!"
Who is that, rampaging amidst the freeway! It is El _Pato, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! He grunts vengefully:</p>"I'm going to **** you with such zeal, you will polymorph into Godzilla!"</p>
Hmm, not sure I would use the word "Polymorph" though
True story.. stood on front door of a busy Blackpool club four years ago.. quietly vetting and grading totty and keeping trainer wearing nonces out.
A drunken squaddie approached, covered in red sauce mustard and a big piss mark round his jeans from being out all day... he pleaded with me to come in, but as the club owner was stood next to me I couldn't.
He gobbed off and gobbed off, until I quoted the following.
'Be gone, or I will smyte thee a teeth losening blow, that would knock the very b0ll0cks off an elephant...'
He looked at me, realised he stood no chance and booted the club owner in the knackers and ran off.