Barred, kicked out, **** off and don't come back.

TamtamPWRR

War Hero
There's a pub I drive past some days that I haven't been in since 1997. It isn't because I don't drink any more, it's down to the fact that I got fucking spastic shitfaced in there one night, sang a song about fisting old ladies that made a couple of tables worth of OAPs get up and leave their scoff mid eat, pissed my pants and tried to spark up a joint. Over the years I've also been kicked out of a fair few pubs and bars, and a country or two as well ( I shall always remember a Dutch airport copper saying "You should not laugh, it is not funny" as me and an equally cunted mate had to lean against each other to keep standing up.) Anyone else want to share their tales of unfortunateness and expulsion?
 
1997? Couldn’t you go in now and say you’re the bloke who got the boots sister and rekindle old friendships with the geriatric crowd?
 
I was banned from a load of pubs in Poole for drunkenly sing "Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best boys, f**k a Wallaby"
 
The only place I've been 86'd from was from this one bar in Detroit, where I was trying to stop a fight between some random c-unts and my mate for whatever reason, trying to calm them down, got sucker punched by one of them, resulting in a nose bleed.

The bouncers acknowledged I had done nothing wrong, but I was not welcome anymore.
 
I was banned from a load of pubs in Poole for drunkenly sing "Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best boys, f**k a Wallaby"

That is definitely a song which tends to provoke an adverse reaction for some reason.
 
I was banned from a load of pubs in Poole for drunkenly sing "Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best boys, f**k a Wallaby"
“You can do with a sheep if you lead it astray,
or with a chicken, just part of the way
With a lion if you have that much pride
or with an elephant, if you're rather wide.
You can with a grizzly if you give him a hug
or with a bullfrog if you give him a bug
with a giraffe you can stand on a chair,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

The hedgehog can never be buggered at all,
buggered at all, buggered at all /x2”


 
The only place I've been 86'd from was from this one bar in Detroit, where I was trying to stop a fight between some random c-unts and my mate for whatever reason, trying to calm them down, got sucker punched by one of them, resulting in a nose bleed.

The bouncers acknowledged I had done nothing wrong, but I was not welcome anymore.
A nose bleed? You fucking girl.
 

endure

GCM
There's a pub I drive past some days that I haven't been in since 1997. It isn't because I don't drink any more, it's down to the fact that I got ******* spastic shitfaced in there one night, sang a song about ******* old ladies that made a couple of tables worth of OAPs get up and leave their scoff mid eat, pissed my pants and tried to spark up a joint. Over the years I've also been kicked out of a fair few pubs and bars, and a country or two as well ( I shall always remember a Dutch airport copper saying "You should not laugh, it is not funny" as me and an equally cunted mate had to lean against each other to keep standing up.) Anyone else want to share their tales of unfortunateness and expulsion?
I suspect that the OAPS left because your song about fisting old ladies gave them ideas that made their gussets moist...
 

Niamac

GCM
The sexual desires of a camel are greater than anyone thinks,
There's even the tale of a camel who tried to bugger the Sphinx,
But the Sphinx's octagonal arsehole is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the Camel and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

Studies at Oxford and Cambridge by Harrison, Hunter and Hall,
Proved that the ordinary hedgehog cannot be buggered at all,
But further researches at Harvard, Princeton, New Jersey and Yale,
Shows you can even bugger a hedgehog if you shave all the spines of its tail.

(Sung to the Eton Boating Song)
 
More like a half broken nose...but the bouncers intervened and told us to get out.
Man, you can't even manage to get a proper broken nose can you? What's wrong with you? :?
 

Arte_et_Marte

ADC
Moderator
I personally haven't been banned from anywhere, at any time of my life. I have never been refused service or ejected from anywhere.

As a heavy drinking, shit sandwich eating Recy Mech, serving in BAOR during the 70's and 80's, that's actually quite astonishing.

I shouldn't be on this thread, so I'll just quietly fuck off.
 
The sexual desires of a camel are greater than anyone thinks,
There's even the tale of a camel who tried to bugger the Sphinx,
But the Sphinx's octagonal ******** is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the Camel and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

Studies at Oxford and Cambridge by Harrison, Hunter and Hall,
Proved that the ordinary hedgehog cannot be buggered at all,
But further researches at Harvard, Princeton, New Jersey and Yale,
Shows you can even bugger a hedgehog if you shave all the spines of its tail.

(Sung to the Eton Boating Song)
All great, but I'd struggle to remember the lyrics if I was pissed as a newt
 
Rather tame in comparison to most on here but the Wednesday afternoon on annual camp was a half day off and a coach trip to Cambridge was organised. Well something happened (I still don't know what) and within two hours we were back on the coach, with the police rounding up every Observer that they could find.

We arrived back at RAF Watton (this was 1989 and Watton had been reopened especially for us) with three more bodies than we left with. Three lads from a local post who weren't on annual camp that week were on their lunch break from work when the police entered the pub shouting "Any members of the ROC in here?" The lads, thinking WWIII was starting stand up and they get whisked away.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
There was a whole bunch of Arrsers got banned from The Ship & Shovell behind Charing Cross station one Christmas. It might have something to do with @LEFTY478 performing naked bar and dancing on a table in the window of one side of the pub (those that know the pub, know that it's split between 2 buildings across the alleyway from each other, we'd been left to the one side on our own).
 
I personally haven't been banned from anywhere, at any time of my life. I have never been refused service or ejected from anywhere.

As a heavy drinking, shit sandwich eating Recy Mech, serving in BAOR during the 70's and 80's, that's actually quite astonishing.

I shouldn't be on this thread, so I'll just quietly fuck off.
You must be a right boring cunt on the piss.
 

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