Banned from B and Q

#1
In there last night, some chav in an orange jumpsuit said that he thought I could do with decking.

Luckily, I tw@tted him before he could land one on me.

And thats my fault?
 
#5
Nice one!
Was it the Salisbury branch? I have to take a faulty towel rail back in there tonight and I could ask how his recovery is progressing.
 
#6
Off at a tangent but perhaps B+Q could hold a special MLaar day....give half a dozen mongs an orange jumpsuit (although judging by my last visit they already have done) and let them have free run at the power tools section. "DeathMlaarch 2006"
 
#7
Orange jumpsuit..mmm...nice. Did it have a ice badge that said "1 Qaeda Rifles, Op Jihad, Guantanamo 2005" written on it? Or was it an Iraq special with blood all down the front?
 
#9
When he mentioned decking, i rather think he was talkin about the wooden variety, rather than inviting you to punch him. Lol
 
#11
bossyboots said:
When he mentioned decking, i rather think he was talkin about the wooden variety, rather than inviting you to punch him. Lol
Or did he invite you to go clubbing? :lol:
 
#12
The cheeky b'astard! I hope you nailed his arrse, the tool! I realise you're no DIY hero wadding in to redecorate the spanners face and all, but he really deserved the pasting! IMHO....

Beebs :)
 
#14
It wasn't that lunatic that escaped from the asylum after raping the laundress and stealing her car keys, was it. I remember the headline - "Nut screws washer and bolts."
 
#17
A similar thing happened to me:
Mrs Pike and I wanted to join a church. the pastor told us, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."
We agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the pastor ushered us into his office, "You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor enquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month..." I replied sadly.

The pastor asked me what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer will-power. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over the pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." I admitted , shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know" I said , hanging my head. "We're not welcome at B+Q either!"
 

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