Banned from ASDA

#1
Yesterday I was at my local ASDA buying a large bag of dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I said ...

"No, I don't have a dog, I am starting the Winalot Diet again. I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital last time but I lost two stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms."

She listened entralled as I carried on and added ...

"It is essentially the perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well."

I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now also enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

"No love, no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a Rotweilers arse and a car hit us both."

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard and I'm now banned from ASDA.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
 
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