Ballads...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Radical_Dreamer, Feb 10, 2006.

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  1. Abdul Albulbul Emir and Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.. to jog your memory, here it is http://www.contemplator.com/ireland/abdul.html

    It's one of the ballads I used to hear a lot in my childhood. Anyway, my friend works in a nursery where the oldest kid is just two and she was singing an alternative version of the song to them :? Asked her for it. Gave me a giggle! Anyone else know of any more doctored ballads?

     
  2. The Ballad Of Eskimo Nell, anyone?
     
  3. The Street of a Thousand Arrseholes.

    In the Street of a Thousand Arrseholes,
    By the sign of the swinging t1t,
    Lived a slant-eyed Chinese harlot,
    Whose name was Hooflung- Sh1t.
    She had lips like the scented lotus,
    And eyes like pools of p1ss,
    As she stood in a doorway and candled herself,
    With a smile of celestial bliss.

    She thought of her lovers and b@stards,
    She thought of her lover Ben Bow,
    Of the countless score she had fcuked on the floor,
    When in strode B@lls-hung Low,

    "Come lie with me, my sack of sh1t",
    He asked her, pr!ck in hand,
    "Our love will last for hours and hours,
    Like p!ss on the desert sand."

    Slowly she scratched her starboard t!i,
    Slowly she scratched her tw@t.
    Then with a split-arrse grin she said to him,
    "You can go and fcuk your hat!"

    Well madness overcame him,
    He fell down in a rage.
    He even sh!t and stamped in it,
    'Till his colour turned to beige.

    Then with gaping qu!m,
    She stood over him,
    And p!ssed right up his back.
    And they carried him away to victory,
    The man who fcuked his hat.
     
  4. Final verse;-

    Now Abdul, he died on the very next day,
    But Ivan lived on for a year,
    All day he would sit,
    Just trying to sh1t,
    The tool of the Bulbul Emir!
     
  5. A favourite from my Rugby Days

    In the days of old there lived a maid
    And she was mistress of her trade
    Of high repute, A prostitute
    The harlot of Jerusalem

    CHORUS
    Hi, ho, Kafusalem, Kafusalem,Kafusalem
    Hi, ho, Kafusalem,The harlot of Jerusalem

    A student lived he by the wall
    And though he only had one ball
    He'd had them all - or nearly all
    The harlots of Jerusalem

    CHORUS

    One night returning from a spree
    Full of Vitamins A and D
    Decided that he wished to be
    With the harlot of Jerusalem

    CHORUS

    And then began some furious fun
    He squirted like a Gatling gun
    And sowed the seed of many a son
    Inside of old Kafusalem

    CHORUS

    Along then came an Isrealite
    A dirty rotten b astard shite
    And said he wished to pass the night
    With the Harlot of Jerusalem

    CHORUS

    And swearing by the holy Book
    He took the student by the crook
    and threw him into Abraham's Brook
    that flows through old Jerusalem

    CHORUS

    Our hero rising to the fight
    Took the Iraelite, the b astard shite
    And shoved him up with all his might
    The arrsehole of kathusalem

    CHORUS

    That little harlot knew her part
    She closed her eyes and blew a fart
    Which blew the bloody Iraelite
    A mile above Jerusalem
     
  6. Away he flew like a bumblebee,
    Caught his bcolloks on a tree,
    And there they hang for all to see,
    Who pass throughout Jerusalem!