Ballads...

#1
Abdul Albulbul Emir and Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.. to jog your memory, here it is http://www.contemplator.com/ireland/abdul.html

It's one of the ballads I used to hear a lot in my childhood. Anyway, my friend works in a nursery where the oldest kid is just two and she was singing an alternative version of the song to them :? Asked her for it. Gave me a giggle! Anyone else know of any more doctored ballads?

In the harems of Egypt it's good to behold
The fairest of harlots appear,
But the fairest, a Greek
Was owned by a sheik!
Named Abdul el Bulbul Emir!

A traveling brothel came into the town
Run by a pimp from afar
Whose great reputation
Had traveled the nation:
'Twas Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

Abdul the Bulbul arrived with his bride
A prize whose eyes shone like a star
He claimed he could prong
More cnuts with his dong
Than Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

A day was arranged for the spectacle great;
A visit was planned by the Czar!
And the curbs were all lined
With harlots reclined
n honour of Ivan Skavar!

They met on the track with their tools hanging slack
Dressed only in shoes and a leer,
Both were fast on the rise
But folks gasped at the size
Of Abdul el Bulbul Emir!

The cnuts were all shorn, and no rubbers adorned
The prongs of the pimp and the peer,
But the pimp's steady stroke
Soon left without hope
The chance of the Bulbul Emir!

They worked thru the night til the dawn's early light
The clamor was heard from afar
The multitudes came
To applaud the ball game
Of Abdul and Ivan Skavar!

When Ivan had finished, he turned to the Greek,
And laughed when she shivered in fear
She swallowed his pride,
He buggered the bride
Of Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!

When Ivan was done, and was wiping his gun,
He bent down to polish his gear;
He felt, up his ass,
A hard pecker pass;
'Twas Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!

The crowd loudly howled that it was a foul,
They were ordered to part, by the Czar,
But fast they were jammed;
The pecker was crammed
In Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

Now, the cream of the joke, when apart they were broke
Was laughed at for years by the Czar:
For Abdul the Bulbul
Left most of his tool
In Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

The fair Grecian maiden a sad vigil keeps
With a husband whose tastes have turned queer...
She longs for the dong
That once did belong
To Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!
 
#2
The Ballad Of Eskimo Nell, anyone?
 
#3
The Street of a Thousand Arrseholes.

In the Street of a Thousand Arrseholes,
By the sign of the swinging t1t,
Lived a slant-eyed Chinese harlot,
Whose name was Hooflung- Sh1t.
She had lips like the scented lotus,
And eyes like pools of p1ss,
As she stood in a doorway and candled herself,
With a smile of celestial bliss.

She thought of her lovers and b@stards,
She thought of her lover Ben Bow,
Of the countless score she had fcuked on the floor,
When in strode B@lls-hung Low,

"Come lie with me, my sack of sh1t",
He asked her, pr!ck in hand,
"Our love will last for hours and hours,
Like p!ss on the desert sand."

Slowly she scratched her starboard t!i,
Slowly she scratched her tw@t.
Then with a split-arrse grin she said to him,
"You can go and fcuk your hat!"

Well madness overcame him,
He fell down in a rage.
He even sh!t and stamped in it,
'Till his colour turned to beige.

Then with gaping qu!m,
She stood over him,
And p!ssed right up his back.
And they carried him away to victory,
The man who fcuked his hat.
 
#4
Radical_Dreamer said:
Abdul Albulbul Emir and Ivan Skavinsky Skavar.. to jog your memory, here it is http://www.contemplator.com/ireland/abdul.html

It's one of the ballads I used to hear a lot in my childhood. Anyway, my friend works in a nursery where the oldest kid is just two and she was singing an alternative version of the song to them :? Asked her for it. Gave me a giggle! Anyone else know of any more doctored ballads?

In the harems of Egypt it's good to behold
The fairest of harlots appear,
But the fairest, a Greek
Was owned by a sheik!
Named Abdul el Bulbul Emir!

A traveling brothel came into the town
Run by a pimp from afar
Whose great reputation
Had traveled the nation:
'Twas Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

Abdul the Bulbul arrived with his bride
A prize whose eyes shone like a star
He claimed he could prong
More cnuts with his dong
Than Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

A day was arranged for the spectacle great;
A visit was planned by the Czar!
And the curbs were all lined
With harlots reclined
n honour of Ivan Skavar!

They met on the track with their tools hanging slack
Dressed only in shoes and a leer,
Both were fast on the rise
But folks gasped at the size
Of Abdul el Bulbul Emir!

The cnuts were all shorn, and no rubbers adorned
The prongs of the pimp and the peer,
But the pimp's steady stroke
Soon left without hope
The chance of the Bulbul Emir!

They worked thru the night til the dawn's early light
The clamor was heard from afar
The multitudes came
To applaud the ball game
Of Abdul and Ivan Skavar!

When Ivan had finished, he turned to the Greek,
And laughed when she shivered in fear
She swallowed his pride,
He buggered the bride
Of Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!

When Ivan was done, and was wiping his gun,
He bent down to polish his gear;
He felt, up his ass,
A hard pecker pass;
'Twas Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!

The crowd loudly howled that it was a foul,
They were ordered to part, by the Czar,
But fast they were jammed;
The pecker was crammed
In Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

Now, the cream of the joke, when apart they were broke
Was laughed at for years by the Czar:
For Abdul the Bulbul
Left most of his tool
In Ivan Skidavitsky Skavar!

The fair Grecian maiden a sad vigil keeps
With a husband whose tastes have turned queer...
She longs for the dong
That once did belong
To Abdul el Bulbul, Emir!
Final verse;-

Now Abdul, he died on the very next day,
But Ivan lived on for a year,
All day he would sit,
Just trying to sh1t,
The tool of the Bulbul Emir!
 
#5
A favourite from my Rugby Days

In the days of old there lived a maid
And she was mistress of her trade
Of high repute, A prostitute
The harlot of Jerusalem

CHORUS
Hi, ho, Kafusalem, Kafusalem,Kafusalem
Hi, ho, Kafusalem,The harlot of Jerusalem

A student lived he by the wall
And though he only had one ball
He'd had them all - or nearly all
The harlots of Jerusalem

CHORUS

One night returning from a spree
Full of Vitamins A and D
Decided that he wished to be
With the harlot of Jerusalem

CHORUS

And then began some furious fun
He squirted like a Gatling gun
And sowed the seed of many a son
Inside of old Kafusalem

CHORUS

Along then came an Isrealite
A dirty rotten b astard shite
And said he wished to pass the night
With the Harlot of Jerusalem

CHORUS

And swearing by the holy Book
He took the student by the crook
and threw him into Abraham's Brook
that flows through old Jerusalem

CHORUS

Our hero rising to the fight
Took the Iraelite, the b astard shite
And shoved him up with all his might
The arrsehole of kathusalem

CHORUS

That little harlot knew her part
She closed her eyes and blew a fart
Which blew the bloody Iraelite
A mile above Jerusalem
 
#6
Away he flew like a bumblebee,
Caught his bcolloks on a tree,
And there they hang for all to see,
Who pass throughout Jerusalem!
 
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