Ball Shavery

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Jan 23, 2006.

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  1. I was just having a discussion with URFA at work. He had the snip last Thursday and was being a right fa-nny about the fact that he'd had to shave his spuds prior to the op. Despite the fact that his ballbag swelled to the same size as his head, most of the discomfort has been from a shaving rash around his tezzies.

    When I enquired as to his method for removing the hair, he said that he'd trimmed it all with a pair of scissors first, then went at it with a Mach 3. This left him with a few nicks and scratches on the balls and a Mach 3 blade that was hairier than a female soldiers upper lip. Having seen URFA in the showers many years ago, I can confirm that his scrotal area looks like a Scotch egg in a hairdressers dustpan, such are it's hirsute qualities.

    I too will be having the snip sometime later in the year, and would hope to apply a bit more science to the proceedings. My ballbag is astonishingly wrinkly so i'm concerned i'll rip the fcuker to shreds if I go at it with a Mach 3. What i'm planning is, section by section, to stretch my scrotum over the top of a pint pot, de-wrinkling it under tension, then shaving the flat surface. To alleviate the tension, the occasional tapping out of the bongo part of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," should help. Will this work? Ball shaving anecdotes by fellow ARRSERs may provide a few helpful tips.
  2. I'm told that a liberal squirt of Veet works wonders. Alternativly a liberal squirt of lighter fluid and a match.....
  3. Alternatively...try VEET, slap it on, rinse it off, an waddaya know...2 gleamin hard boiled eggs..wonderful
  4. Dunk it in Immac and disolve the buggers off...On the plus side the chemical dip will probably ensure no tadpoles live to tell the tale..


    Cover it in clay and fire in a hot oven for three hours before breaking off the hardened for getting spikes of roasted hedgehogs
  5. Ive been shaving my nads for years and never had a rash or itch from it, I know a fair few blokes at work who shave theirs (must be a squaddie thing, one bloke does it, everyone does it!) and none of them have ever complained of rash or itch, I think it must be an urban myth, shaving your chest however does itch and come out in a rash like a biatch!!
  6. Waxing is a good method, there are salons that will wax a guy's private parts, a bit sore for a day or so afterwards but worth the pain I am told.
  7. So waxing is out of the question? It's the quickest way to go and will only enhance your reputation of being impervious to pain.

    Go down to see Yelga, let her slather on the epoxy and take it like a fcuking man.
  8. Now i have only heard this from another person! ...Ahem apparently if your good lady assaults your back passage with the black mamba Method of Entry device! Your wrinkly sack should tighten before your very eyes.Allowing you to whip away the more covertly hidden short & curlies.
  9. You can all get fcuked with your waxing suggestions.

    The only manly, hetero way to shave your spuds is in a dangerous and hamfisted fashion, preferably after a night out and three hours before PT starts.

    Sanitary and simple suggestions are not required. Methods employing sharp implements and more alcohol than is strictly necessary are preferred.

    As for URFA's shaving rash being an urban myth. I've just challenged him to prove it and he's presented a sac that's as red and ravaged as Barrymore's bum hole.
  10. Tried shaving and also had dramas with nicks etc. That was nicely followed by itching that was unbearable. By little fellow looked as he'd 'won' first prize in the sexual lottery. It was in a minging state.

    Have yet to try Immac but haven’t shaved again. In retrospect I think a razor blade in close proximity to cöck is fundamentally wrong. Stay with the chemical deforestation.
  11. This is the first time I have done this. Mrs URFA advised against Veet so I opted for the scissors from the kitchen draw to get down to the grade 1 and then the mach 3 to get down to the wood. There's no rash it just feels like 2 small....erm...medium size hedgehogs are doing yoga on me duckrun.
  12. Use a cut-throat razor with no shaving foam or any other poofy comforts. All you need is about a bottle of vodka, drink most of it first but save some to splash on as aftershave.

    While you're at it, you may as well give yourself the snip, only a right queer would rely on a doctor to do the job!
  13. to those of you who have experienced pain or itching through shaving, you should be ashamed of yourselves, having girlie sensitive skin wrapped around your bangers!! get a grip, desensitise using a steak tenderiser or use meths/nail varnish remover to rub into the skin after shaving.
    A Sensitive sack = a sensitive big fella = 2 second wonder.
  14. I had to have an operation on my gonnads some years ago, so I thought I would shave my nuts to save them the job the night before I went in for the op. I used soap and water with a Bic razor. Great now they can leave them alone. Suprise, suprise, at the hospital they sent an old age pensioner in with a razor who told me the job was not good enough. He then shaved my nuts DRY. Worked a treat, but did they itch when starting to grow back.
  15. first use a good set of electric clippers sans any attatchment, GENTLY defoliate the area as much as possible without nipping or hurting yourself (note, pubes above the c*ck line dont require removing for the snip, however! a good chance to give yourself the brazilian you've always secretly fancied, and yes is does make yer old fella look bigger...........i need all the help i can get!)

    get in a good hot bath, then whilst in the prone unsupported posn on yer back, use a new from the bag gillete disposable razor to begin the deed..........the hot water should make your b alls decend and your scrote go all floppy, this makes it much easier. stretch the skin with left hand and shave with right, or vice versa if you are a south paw.......... pull the scrote tightly upward and give yourself a bizarre looking "camel toe" with a kn acker either side, and crack on!
    persevere, you will miss some the first time out.........

    afterwards slap some post shave balm on yer conkers and bobs yer uncle..........

    i have to "top up" about once a week, otherwise the resulting stubble starts catching in the underpants................