Don't get pissed up and wander off on your own...= you'll be up shit creek.

Don't bite at people who take about "doing the whole ville". They'll never know.

Don't bollock your girlfriends mates. They are curious and will ask the question..

Don't "not give a f*uck". No matter how unimportant it seems to you, it means more to others. :lol:
I hear some jolly nice people have organised a street party in London to show their gratitude for people like us to celebrate the wonderfull job we have done in Iraq. You might wan't to tag along with them.........and kick their fcuking heads in.



one bottle of squeezy sinex to get rid of snot and rest of me for phone number to find out where we are going on the piss! i am willing to wait a couple of days while you practice the art of stella! it really is an essential part of living :D no matter how pissed i get i promise not to say how much i love you, how much i hate my ex, how my kids are the greatest etc. I will not get jealous when you elope with a hunk you met 5 minutes ito our piss-up, ( as long as you tell me you are leaving), and as far as i remember i have never shagged your mother, father or dog!!

A mate of mine said she did nothing when she got back but eat all the stuff she couldn't get over there. Apparently she lost loads of weight over there and was trying to put it all back on with one mega-pig-out session.

She said the same about alcohol as you :(

Eat lots. Turn the heating up. Drink lots of hot chocolate.

Move South??



Lord Flasheart said:
I simply don't believe you young man!
and yes a very young man compared with you... :lol:

hey read it properly you ols fart you!!
I am saying I don't remember..not saying I may not have... :D

i am just trying to help in a time of need....
For f*ck sake...get a load of Vix on ya chest, crank up the heater to max, throw on some tracky bottoms and and a HH top..sweat like a monkey for two nights, whislt weening yourselve back into booze with whiskey. Then like a beautiful butterfly, bloom into the weekend looking foxy, an agent provocateur. Then you can have snot free loving without having to lower your standards because you looked like a goul whilst ill. :wink:
The answer to the cold is a bottle of scotch. Works every time.

Not sure whether you're miffed at being away from sunny Basra (in which case go to see the psychiatrist asap) or at a bit of a loose end by being home. There are official people to see if you want to - but the best thing is to organise a night out with some mates bore them rigid with your 'When I was' stories and let them bore you with theirs. Alcohol, a sense of humour a determination to keep a stiff upper lip (and the good manners to look away when someone doesn't quite achieve it the whole night long) are always pretty good.

I'm sure a good few hours of horizontal refreshment (or indeed any other angle) would also work wonders but Mrs Mushroom (and two very jealous Staffordshire Bull Terriers) have strictly forbidden me to offer any assistance there.

Seriously if you do have problems talk to me off line.
DS are you just the most typical of males????
Cure for the female cold......shag it out....
Cure for female headache.....Shag it out...
Cure for female broken leg...shag it...
Cure for female madness...shag it...
Cure for female heartache...shag it...
Cure for female heart attack...shag it...
Now DS you really have a limited knowledge of the female of the species, or an incredibly talented d*ck!!!!
Be careful as you answer, the only way to research the medicinal value of afore mentioned d*ck is to amputate and dissect.... 8O :lol:

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