*&^%$(!! B@stard...

Got this E-mail today...

funny sh!t tells me he wants to trust me with $ 50 million bucks and then doesn't give me anyway of contacting him..no address, phone, reply E-mail...

How the hell can I scam a dupe without the tools??

"Dear Friend,

I am interested in establishing and operating a very viable business as a means of investment abroad. I do not know too well on how this is done in your country, So i will need you to help me in this regard.

My preference is any good profit yielding business and i would appreciate any viable ideas you could come up with. I will also need you to help me look for properties like homes and lands for sale as i am proposing to invest the sum of Fifty Million United States Dollars ($50,000,000 USD) for this. I do not know if you can and will be of help to me.

For a brief on my personality; My name is John Bredenkamp, a Zimbabwean based in U.K. I was into private tobacco merchant . I am 67 years of age, married with a wife and 4 lovely kids. I dropped my Shipping business because it wasn't producing profitable income. I have had so much problems with the British Authority just because am a foreigner i believe.

My need for this business proposition and to acquire these properties is very urgent as i am planing to move out of this country with my family down to your country. I want you to also help in finding a good home where my family and i will live in ( Mini Estate ).

Please i expect your prompt reply so that we can proceed swiftly. I will need your phone and fax numbers for easier communication with you if i am unable to access my emails.

Best Regards,

There's a guy two blocks away who lives in a Mini.. not an estate though, I think its the sports model, got a racing stripe on the roof......
I suppose with $ 50 mil disposable cash, he could afford the new version from the Germans. They do have a bit more head and leg room, but certainly smack of ' neuveau riche ' and do not have the simplicity of line and classic insouciance of the original...

Still, given how Michael Caine et al were able to stuff all those gold bars in the boot, either model could easily hold the $ 50 mil. bills if they weren't in too small denominations....


Book Reviewer
Put him in touch with the people who wrote to me today, asking me to confirm all the access details for my account with Lloyds Bank.

Which is odd, because I don't have an account with Lloyds Bank.


Book Reviewer
I keep getting emails from Lloyds TSB telling me that my account has been frozen, and I'd better log on quick if I wish to save my money.

I was a bit stumped at first as I didn't think I had such an account, and then it all came back to me, so I logged on with the username "ufcukincnut" and the PW "sukmymuddafcukindikb!tch".

I'm pleased I remembered to spell it right, because it didn't flag it up. Strangely, I still couldn't access my mysterious account.


Book Reviewer
Mr_Deputy said:
that's it, exactly - classic versus the higher performance copy. his choice in the end.
i feel better we've talked it through.
he'd be better off with a Hillman Imp but it's his 50 mil.
Surely the sporting version of the Hillman Imp, the Sunbeam Stiletto, would be a better bet?
Chaps, I think it's fairly obvious that he is of course referring to a Mini Clubman.

Loadsa room in there! It's a right fcuk truck.
SurveyCommando said:
Chaps, I think it's fairly obvious that he is of course referring to a Mini Clubman.

Loadsa room in there! It's a right fcuk truck.
Problems with rear passenger doors as this model only has one door on the drivers side which kind of restiricts access and would, i believe, be a H&S concern if used as a residence!
Does Zimbawe have any indiginous Pygmy population by any chance?

If the esteemed Mr & Mrs Bredenkamp and their 4 no doubt wonderful children are members of the famous "Wheredefuckarewe" tribe of PORGS then they should have no problem with even the original Mini.
Mr_Deputy said:
John Bredenkamp? Hoogstraten? What is it with de Durtch guysh?

Must try and get their numbers...Brdenkamp is worth about 400-700 million quid - it's fact!
Its not Dutch its Afrikaans, you melon! A mixture of Dutch and German, synominous with the Countries of Africa.
Son of a b!tch!.. you mean the guy is real? and he wants to give me $50 million of his 700 million pounds to ' help' him establish a new business and find him a car to sleep in?

Damn!! here I thought it was all another ' African ' stylee scam..

sh!t.. I'm really embarrassed , now, since I sent him a link to the never-ending pop-up porn site...

will have to do some serious grovelling to get that $ 50 mil....

why didn't you guys warn me sooner? I feel the need to take up drinking again..and I only quit half-an-hour ago....

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