Cursed with a bald head and a wooden leg, a man is surprised to find that he has been invited to a fancy dress party. Deciding that he might pull it off if he wears a costume to hide his head and leg, he writes to a theatrical outfitters asking them for adivice. A few days later, he gets a parcel from the firm with a note that says, "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The bandana will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Buccaneer." Unfortunately, the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have so clearly drawn attention to his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint. A week goes by before the postie delivers another parcel with a note that reads, "Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion ... please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and the hood will hide your bald head but you will really look the part if you don't put the hood up." This drives him ballistic! They have simply switched from drawing attention to his wooden leg to his balding head. He fires off another letter. The next day he receives a tiny parcel by courier with a hastily scawled note ... "Enclosed is a tin of treacle, pour it over your bloody head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple ... you grumpy old twat!"