Autumn. Season of mellow fruitfulness.

Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Get a pet pine marten, the little grey fuckers hate them.
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
I notice that you don't have flamethrowers on your banned list...it's worth a thought, and you have a win win situation, BBQ Squirrel for lunch
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Bow and arrow?
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Larger trap?
Razor blades taped to the bottom edge à la bodge guillotine.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
A catapult can give hours of fun. You might not ever be good enough to kill them but it will certainly push them into the next county. It worked for a friend who wasn't allowed to poke guns out through windows due to proximity of neighbours.
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Tell your love to stop planting bulbs/feeding the squirrels.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Grey squirrels are very territorial and will defend their perceived kingdom with a passion.

Try feeding it to gain its trust then wank it off with your mouth.

Then throw yourself into a furnace.
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
Jack Russell, or a grumpy cat.


CFB
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
Then throw yourself into a furnace.
Whoo. Yes. I'll give that a try. Thanks. Any other advice you would care to share with the group? Any other, er, communications with anyone who tried to help you out when you were in a bad place? Feel free to invite your litter mates to pile in. I'm here all week. And I have an enormous hard drive (not prison slang).

Who's a pretty boy? (talking to a squirrel there).
 
Whoo. Yes. I'll give that a try. Thanks. Any other advice you would care to share with the group? Any other, er, communications with anyone who tried to help you out when you were in a bad place? Feel free to invite your litter mates to pile in. I'm here all week. And I have an enormous hard drive (not prison slang).

Who's a pretty boy? (talking to a squirrel there).
Give the lad a break. He didn't suggest you lit the furnace first ;-)
 
Whoo. Yes. I'll give that a try. Thanks. Any other advice you would care to share with the group? Any other, er, communications with anyone who tried to help you out when you were in a bad place? Feel free to invite your litter mates to pile in. I'm here all week. And I have an enormous hard drive (not prison slang).

Who's a pretty boy? (talking to a squirrel there).
TID as an alternative my mum, bless her, advocates the sprinkling of chilli flakes around newly planted bulbs. Discourages the LGB, (Little Grey Bastards) as she affectionately calls them, no end. It works too. You can get big catering size bags of flakes, like https://tinyurl.com/y8jubpn7 for example, or tubs from places like Makro for about £5. Tip, don't buy the little spice jars from Tesco/Sainsbury etc. way Too pricy.

Any spare can go into a nice warming chilli/curry etc. Win/win keep your bulbs and a nice scoff.

spins
edited for triping errits
 
Yeah, right. Shedless Whore of Babylon. Scarlet Temptress of Satan and..... sorry. I am a tad upset and not myself. Squirrels. ******* grey squirrels. My Love will not allow me to shoot them or poison them so it is a Larson trap. But squill goes in. Trap drops then his ******* tail sticks out the back. Jamming the trap door. So he just reverses out and continues to eat the bulbs my Love has planted in the garden.

Any suggestions welcome. No guns. No explosives. No poison. Can you electrocute the little bastards without getting nicked?
IMG_0485.JPG

I can send my best mate (Pictured) up for the weekend. He loves to play with squirrels.
 

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