Autistic Architects

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, May 22, 2006.

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  1. I am working from home today, as was awaiting delivery of my new sofa, to go in my nice new flat.

    I have a huge living room and decided to order an extra large sofa to fill out the space and today was the day it finally arrived after 4 weeks of sitting on wooden chairs.

    It turned up at 9am this morning, but could they fit it through the front door? Could they fcuk! Couldnt even get it through the window.

    I now have the pleasure of paying £150 for an upholsterer to chop it up and put it back together sometime next week. I had a rant at the sofa suppliers, but on reflection I am becoming more angry with the stupid cnut that designed this place.

    Who in their right mind designs a living area that you could park a tank in, with an access door that is only wide enough for a microwave?!

    Where do these people get taught their trade? In a fcuking fun house at the fair?

    Any other arrsers had similar logistical nightmares with deliveries? Your misfortune will go a long way to making me feel much better about mine.
  2. RTFQ


    I'm not surprised, you were never going to get DHS's latest "Elysia" leather sofa though your front door:

  3. Sorry to be rude, but you should perhaps consider yourself a stupidbitch for not measuring your doorways and getting the furniture shop to guarantee that it would fit (then they re-imburse you or pay for the upholsterer it it didn't fit). No sympathy whatsoever :)
  4. I was hoping nobody would pick up that small error
  5. You have my sympathy. I bought a sofabed which I did measure to check it fitted in the van I hired and the front door. What i omitted to measure was the stairs. I had to take the bannister off which ended up in it breaking and so had to be replaced! Glad I bought the bargain sofa!
  6. I have just spent too much of the weekend helping my Brother in Law move back down south, we spent 40 minutes (at two in the morning) forcing a sofa out of the house through two chuffing 90 degree turns. Being a run down house it was debatable which was going to give way first, the wall or the sofa. I was secretly hoping that one, or even better both, would break.

    To make matters even more impressive he had only decided to give the ruddy thing away after driving halfway round the UK. I gave up and let him take it to 'chav towers'.
  7. RTFQ


    For years I lived the kind of rock and roll lifestyle that could fit into a small japanese hatchback. Roll the porn and playstation in your duvet, gather all the clothes hanging in the wardrobe with one sweep of the arm, dump the lot in the back of your car, bungy your favourite inflatable bondage chair to the roof and jobs a good 'un. Ready to relocate anywhere in NW europe. 30 Seconds flat, just like Neil MacKauly in "Heat".

    Until I bought my bed.

    This was a big step for me. I could have had a long weekend in Prague for the price of my bed. It's huge;
    "Would sir like a King Size or Empress Size"
    "I want one that's so big, both myself and Girls Aloud can roll around in it for a good 8 hours with little or no chance of me ever bumping into the ginger one"
    "Right Ho, have you tried the "Maccy" by Silentnight?"
    It's got everything you may want of a bed: solid, easily whittled headboard, strong anchoring points, and a matress that is as stain resistant as a Ken Hom wok. I even managed to deconstruct it using nothing but a few turns of a gerber and a single, judicious use of a B&D jigsaw. The frame fitted nicely in amongst my bubblewrapped pictures and bin liner full of hats in the back of my car. But then came the matress.

    Now, I drive a Caterham 7 - well, I don't actually but I may as well because Seat Ibiza's have feck all space in them - and I spent an hour recreating the very best of "It's a Knock Out" trying to shoulder barge this bloody thing into my car. In the end I made my way doen the M11 with most of the matress sticking out the back like a big fluffy spoiler and my collection of Sven Hassel books cascading like anti-persuit devices across the tarmac behind me.

    I got to my new house, dragged it, Christlike, up the wooden hill and Kung Fu'd it into the spare bedroom. Into which the bed frame doesn't fit. Rubbish.

    When guests come round now, I just direct them to the vaguely musky smelling matress in the back room. if i like them I chuck them a sheet to sleep under as well. Hey, if it was good enough for Zammo, it's good enough for them.
  8. RTFQ, what's happened to you? A house? A bed? Guests!? What happened to the days when all you needed was a fresh pair of pants and some of Zach De La Rocha's anti-establishment lyrical stylings on the noise-box?

    You haven't got engaged? Say it aint say, say it aint so.....
  9. Moody, I'm distraught, a bloody sofa, you've shattered my illusions! I've always pictured you draped provocatively across a silken chaise, a flute of something cheeky and effervescent in one hand, a Pot-Noodle in the other. :D
    You're right about architects though, a good one could humble God, whilst a poor one (the majority) should feel indebted to you for blunting the blades on your woodchipper. Eight years training to design a breezeblock box, with subsidence and a leaky roof? cnuts!
  10. Some crazy horse devised these things called Building Regulations, horrible little rules that restrict the creative flair. Health & saftey, construction methods, structural integrity & functionality, security, fire saftey, ergonomics, accessibility, energy efficiency & "U" values etc... etc.. are just a few of the little rules preventing you from having the pneumatic loading hatch from a herc with the obligatory yale lock as a front door. :D

    Next time the ODPM amends the regulations we could loby for a clause taking into account the "DFS summer, winter, autumn, spring 50% sale on sofas" :D :D
  11. RTFQ


    You fecking builders are all the same: "Can't do that mate, more than me jobs worth"
  12. Nothing wrong with the building regs, I'm enjoying myself at this very moment in time getting aqquainted with the 2005 regulations (not yet released, yes it's now 2006) and their rules on energy effeciency, u-values, dwelling emission rates etc...

    Having designed a house with an external, spiral staircase (triangular house) I can vouch for the fact that noone cares one little bit about how go get your half a DFS sofa (isn't that what they're advertising?) or cheapo MFI bed into whatever room you need. The thought given to that is a "oh crap, well.... they can hoist it through the window at the front of the house... attaching a pulley to someone load bearing beam somewhere..." because they're all too busy doing the important things like working out where to put radiators and knocking up "artists impressions" where everything is green, sunny and any features not yet finalised are fuzzy - to "give an impression of depth" or some other excuse...
  13. Steady on Crabby, you'll be getting the girls overly moist with talk like that....... stick to "this one time during an embassy seige...." we know thats a safe bet :D

    Have you had chance to digest Part M yet? :D
  14. No I'm afraid I've not got round to that yet. I've been playing with the effect that changes in commodity prices on the London Metal Exchange have on prospecting and exploitation of resources by mining companies...

    However, believe it or not, one time, during this embassy seige, "the regiment" realised that they really badly needed to know how much heat was being lost through the walls but didn't have a clue how to work it out. Some along comes Mr Crabby, who uses 1/conductivity (of all the different componants of the wall) to work out the U value and then used the U value and temperature gradient to determine the effect of what went on later. Without Mr Crabby's dilligent work under the most difficult of circumstances the seige would never have finished, with the regiment unable to come up with ideas of how to improve the energy effeciency and completely unaware of the effects on ventilation rates that breaking those windows would have. - Cait, are you ready for me now? :D
  15. Good mate of mine makes very very good dosh by building furniture inside the rooms in show homes.

    Gullible prospective buyer sees mega sized sofa, or setteee should my mum be read this from the grave, and thinks this is a really large lounge, or living room. Look at the size of furniture they got in here, not noticing that the front door is the size of a cat flap and the interior doors are undersized for Barbies pad.