Australian sense of humour still strong

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Pharscape81, Mar 10, 2008.

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  1. These
    were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
    actual
    responses by the website officials
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Does
    it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it
    rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (
    UK
    ).
    A:
    We
    import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
    them
    die.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Will
    I be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Depends
    how much you've been drinking.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    I
    want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
    railroad tracks? (
    Sweden
    )
    A:
    Sure,
    it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Are
    there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
    list
    of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (
    UK
    )
    A:
    What
    did your last slave die of?
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Can
    you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
    (
    USA
    )
    A:
    A-fri-ca
    is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle
    of the Pacific which does not
    .. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
    every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Which
    direction is North in Australia ?
    (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Face
    south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    we'll send
    the rest of the directions.
    _________________________________________________
    Q:
    Can
    I bring cutlery into Australia ?
    (
    UK
    )
    A:
    Why?
    Just use your fingers like we do.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Can
    you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
    (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Aus-tri-a
    is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
    oh forget
    it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
    in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come
    naked.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Can
    I wear high heels in Australia ?
    (
    UK
    )
    A:
    You
    are a British politician, right?
    ____________________________
    ______________________
    Q:
    Are
    there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
    (
    Germany
    )
    A:
    No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
    hunter/gatherers.
    Milk
    is illegal
    .
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Please
    send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian
    snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
    pets.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    I
    have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
    its name.
    It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (
    USA
    )
    A:
    It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
    Gum trees
    and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
    them off
    by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
    walking.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    I
    have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
    tell me
    where I can sell it in Australia ?
    (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Anywhere significant numbers of Americans
    gather.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Can
    you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
    smaller than the male population? (
    Italy
    )
    A:
    Yes, gay night
    clubs.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Do
    you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
    (
    France
    )
    A:
    Only at
    Christmas.
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    I
    was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I
    want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross.
    Can you
    help? (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
    hour..
    __________________________________________________
    Q:
    Will
    I be able to speak English most places I go?
    (
    USA
    )
    A:
    Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
     
  2. Its embarressing when there are nearly as many Brits asking dumb questions as Yanks.
     
  3. Gotta be made up?
     
  4. It is - last time this was posted it was about Brer Yank visiting Canada - stiil funny though