Australian sense of humour still strong

P

Pharscape81

Guest
#1
These
were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
actual
responses by the website officials
__________________________________________________
Q:
Does
it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it
rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (
UK
).
A:
We
import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them
die.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Will
I be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (
USA
)
A:
Depends
how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I
want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (
Sweden
)
A:
Sure,
it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Are
there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
list
of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (
UK
)
A:
What
did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can
you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
(
USA
)
A:
A-fri-ca
is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle
of the Pacific which does not
.. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Which
direction is North in Australia ?
(
USA
)
A:
Face
south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send
the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q:
Can
I bring cutlery into Australia ?
(
UK
)
A:
Why?
Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can
you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(
USA
)
A:
Aus-tri-a
is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget
it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can
I wear high heels in Australia ?
(
UK
)
A:
You
are a British politician, right?
____________________________
______________________
Q:
Are
there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(
Germany
)
A:
No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers.
Milk
is illegal
.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Please
send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. (
USA
)
A:
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian
snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I
have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
its name.
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (
USA
)
A:
It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees
and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off
by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I
have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me
where I can sell it in Australia ?
(
USA
)
A:
Anywhere significant numbers of Americans
gather.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Can
you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (
Italy
)
A:
Yes, gay night
clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q:
Do
you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
(
France
)
A:
Only at
Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q:
I
was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I
want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross.
Can you
help? (
USA
)
A:
Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour..
__________________________________________________
Q:
Will
I be able to speak English most places I go?
(
USA
)
A:
Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 
#2
Its embarressing when there are nearly as many Brits asking dumb questions as Yanks.
 
#3
Gotta be made up?
 
#4
duckiciao said:
Gotta be made up?
It is - last time this was posted it was about Brer Yank visiting Canada - stiil funny though
 

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