Australian Love Poem

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by old chef, Jun 26, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Of course I love ya darlin
    You're a bloody top-notch bird
    And when I say you're gorgeous
    I mean every single word

    So ya bum is on the big side
    I don't mind a bit of flab
    It means that when I'm ready
    There's somethin' there to grab

    So your belly isn't flat no more
    I tell ya, I don't care
    So long as when I cuddle ya
    I can get my arms round there

    No Sheila who is your age
    Has nice round perky breasts
    They just gave in to gravity
    But I know ya did ya best

    I'm tellin' ya the truth now
    I never tell ya lies
    I think it’s very sexy
    That you've got dimples on ya thighs

    I swear on me nanna's grave now
    The moment that we met
    I thought you was as good as
    I was ever gonna get

    No matter what u look like
    I'll always love ya dear
    Now shut up while the cricket’s on
    And fetch another beer..
    • Like Like x 9
  2. Love it!
  3. Australia is a bonzer place
    Full of bonzer blokes
    Sheilahs, beer and no-ones queer
    Except in pommie jokes

    Australians like dressing up
    in skirts and having fun,
    and that's what we were doing
    when the Vice Squad came along
    - Monty Python
    • Like Like x 1
  4. No verse/s about everything that walks/crawls and/or swims can kill you.
  5. I did find this:

    Redback, Funnel-Web, Blue-ringed octopus
    Taipan, Tigersnake and a Box jellyfish
    Stonefish and the poison thing that lives in a shell
    That spikes you when you pick it up

    Come to Australia
    You might accidentally get killed

    Your life's constantly under threat
    Have you been bitten yet?
    You've only got three minutes left
    Before a massive coronary breakdown

    Redback, Funnel-Web, Blue-ringed octopus
    Tiapan, Tigersnake and a Box jellyfish
    Big shark just waiting for you to go swimming
    At Bondi Beach

    Come to Australia
    You might accidentally get killed
    Your blood is bound to be spilled
    With fear your pants will be filled
    Because you might accidentally get killed
    • Like Like x 2
  6. They missed out the deadly Tassie ants (saw those on TV a month or so back), platypuses with poisonous spurs and koalas with flick-knives.
  7. Don't forget these bad boys - they're always up for a scrap...




    • Like Like x 3
  8. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    • Like Like x 1
    • Like Like x 1
  9. You'd better be aware of these over the ditch.....:wink:

    • Like Like x 1
  10. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    Courtship, Oz style:

    Do yer fuck?
    No yer smooth bastard but you've talked me into it.
    • Like Like x 3
  11. "Bruce, I'm pregnant, and if you don't marry me I'll kill myself."

    "Jesus, Sheila, not only are you a good fuck but you're a bloody good sport, too!"
    • Like Like x 2
  12. Ahhh ... good to see the drop bears get mention.

    On joint exercises we would wind up the Yanks about drop bears. Even in the near desert with few trees they were petrified about the possibility.

    Once did a DISTEX (disaster exercise) at the Jervis Bay Range Facility, with a Kiwi team from a visiting frigate, they were petrified about snakes, there are no snakes in NZ. One of the DS threw a rubber snake at working crew, near crapped themselves.

    • Like Like x 2
  13. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

  14. Vicious little buggers


    Always wear the corrective clothing


    Tourists properly dressed for a walk in the Outback
    • Like Like x 2