Austerity Times

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by single malt, Feb 7, 2013.

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  1. In these days of hardship have you any tips to save the pennies. I will lead off with this gem.

    After blowing your nose with a paper hanky put said item in a wicker waste paper basket and let it dry out.
    you can then use it for wiping your arse.
    But remember to always do it this way round as wiping your arse first could lead to some nasty stains on your nose
  2. Kill some oxygen thieving bastards and throw their bodies in the sea. Less welfare spent, and an amazing sense of satisfaction.
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  3. Invite a woman to the cinema and tell her you will meet her inside
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  4. Kill yourself.
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  5. Twice.
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  6. Austere, and succinct as well.
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  7. Find someone your size who dresses well. Kill them, take their clothes and throw the body off a cliff.
  8. Find someone with a nice car. Kill them and throw their body off a cliff. Bingo, a nice new car.
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  9. Don't waste money on a gym. Kill someone and throw their body off a cliff. That's your PT for the day. Repeat daily for best results.
  10. I see a pattern emerging here.....
  11. Don't bother going to work. Find a rich person. Kill them, take their wallet and throw their body over a cliff.
  12. Curtail sentences halfwa
  13. y through.
  14. Tricky though if you're not from the coast or one of those towns with cliffs - like Coventry or Birmingham. Could you use a tall building as a cliff substitute?