Aunty Stella is at it agan

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Mar 13, 2009.

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  1. Aunty Stella has a well documented and grim history on arrse for slaying his childrens pets, cats, puppy's & hamsters it matters not, they all end up dead.

    Two nights ago the phone rings and a daft brummie voice says 'Yaaamm alllrroooyytt, am a dadddy again mate.....moy boxer dogs dropped puppies all over the floor of our Brummie mud hut'

    I called him a puppy farmer because its only three weeks since he sold the survivors of the last lot.

    last night, prior to departing up the dancers to bo bo land I noticed he'd changed his facebook profile to
    Seeing £1000 quid vanishing before his eyes, our first aid hero reacted as quickly as a dopey brummie can...... He cut the end off the kettle lead making a home made defibrillator and placed the bare cables on the two inch long puppies head, then gave it 240 volts of dudley powers finest lightning bolts. It caught fire so he hurled it out of the way and tried on the tiny chest of the second, which was cuddled up to one of the other litter..... that one let out a barely audible squeak, then caught fire but it blew the circuit breaker on the box in the meter cupboard....

    Stella at this stage, after ensuring two were dead stood up to put the lights back on to feel something squishy under his feet. The clumsy cnut had trodden on another boxer pup and now had puppy guts between his toes.

    I've already spoken to a ghostwriter and we are penning 'three down' a fcukwits guide to puppy breeding.

    When I later asked him what he thought killed them he acknowledged that steak followed by household amperage probably wasn't the best way to rear a litter of puppies.
     
  2. What happened the WHELPING Box?

    As someone who has two boxer bitches and a daughter who has only bred ONCE her her bitch, I wonder with some, where their interests lay?

    While many bitches can get on with it, IF you give them ALL the facilities they need in this modern world, Knowledge and Common Sense in the human is the first instance for the good of any dog.

    WE love OUR Boxers, they are members of the family, although the brindled is good enough to show and breed from and with Boxers it is sometimes good for them to let them have ONE little for medical reasons, we decided not and have good insurance on both dogs, in case in later life they need added attention at the Vets.

    All those who breed dogs, HAVE a Moral responsibility for THEIR Pets.
     
  3. So have you never set fire to a puppy?
     
  4. Cant he just nail them to a small piece of MDF, put some wheels on the side and sell them as lovable kiddies pull along toys - granted they may smell a bit after a while, but at least he wouldnt have completley lost out
     
  5. My fckn Rottweiler set fire to me a couple of days ago. He surged up from the floor as I was walking past on my way to the beersafe and threw me into the fireplace. I'd have kicked him in the head but for the threat of massive retaliation.
     
  6. Only once and I was a bit disappointed by the result. I stick to torching kittens. They are smaller (thus easier to handle), their fur only needs one spark to light up and due to their flexibility their moves are much funnier to watch once they're on fire.

    Because of the latter it is inadvisable to do this inside your home. Even with their eyes still closed a 4 day old burning kitten is still able to climb your curtains or dig its way through your highly flamable laundry. Better practise this hobby in the garden or in someone else's house. It's a great way to bring some life into the otherwise dull family party. However you may not get an invitation again.
     
  7. He could paint them red and sell them as red noses
     
  8. He could paint them red and sell them as red noses
     
  9. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Ah Ha (In best Steve Coogan style)

    MDN - I caught you out on your PERSEC and instead of changing my post (as well as yours) you delete it.

    You little minx you. :x

    BTW you did not answer if he wears a towel on his head, being from Brum?
     
  10. Congratulations on surviving your stillbirth :roll:

    Are all of your siblings as thick as whale spunk too?
     
  11. I've had a puppy set fire to itself, well, singe itself really.

    The dog in my avatar, Ruby, as a puppy managed to get up onto the kitchen counter & lie down on top of the electric hob.
    Silly bitch then managed to turn 2 of the hobs on.
    Resulting in a very high pitched yelp when it realised its arse was burning.

    Strangely enough she's never been up on the counter since.

    Edited to mong spelling & grammer.
     
  12. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Is that the reason for the scary eyes?
     
  13. Nah, just the way her eyes came out when I took the pic.
    Although she is a very envious/jealous dog.
    so the green eyes suit her.
     

  14. Hold on with the Brummie bashing you b astards 8O
    Yow r just jellous :p
     

  15. no no no you all have it wrong, its best to drench your god kids canaries in lighter fluid and set them off, its like having a fire work display in the comfort of your living room, as they flap fly into the walls curtains ect!!!