Audi - The hate thread.

Goatman

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Snow forces Audi driver to moderate driving style from 'total bell-end' to 'dick'

" It’s important that everyone drives to the conditions in front of them, and I’m no exception,” says Estate Agent Williams.

“There aren’t as many cars on the road this week, so that means fewer cars to tailgate and flash my lights at when they slow down going past the local school.

“I’ve even slowed down to 40mph in the ‘twenty’s plenty’ zones – in times like this we’ve all got to do our bit.

“Unfortunately not everyone is as conscientious as me. I had some nutjob trying to get past me yesterday. He was sounding his horn and flashing his lights so I slowed right down to teach him a lesson; those bloody ambulance drivers think they own the road.”
 
Wasting your time trying to dig a grave with a sabre.

Didn't realise the stumpy one was Spetznaz.
 
Snow forces Audi driver to moderate driving style from 'total bell-end' to 'dick'

" It’s important that everyone drives to the conditions in front of them, and I’m no exception,” says Estate Agent Williams.

“There aren’t as many cars on the road this week, so that means fewer cars to tailgate and flash my lights at when they slow down going past the local school.

“I’ve even slowed down to 40mph in the ‘twenty’s plenty’ zones – in times like this we’ve all got to do our bit.

“Unfortunately not everyone is as conscientious as me. I had some nutjob trying to get past me yesterday. He was sounding his horn and flashing his lights so I slowed right down to teach him a lesson; those bloody ambulance drivers think they own the road.”
Yet in up here in the Highlands, the first cars to end up in the ditches when it snows are X5's and Discoverys. I just threw winter tyres on the Audi and was perfectly fine pootling about :)
 
Are the seat squabs in TT’s all impregnated with HRT hormones as well.
They all seem to be driven by menapausal ex mistresses or male self professed players of the pink oboe.
 
We've had a couple Audis. A5 and Q7. Not terrible cars, but Mercedes they are not.

And their finance arm are absolute fcuking shysters, at least in the US.

With one payment left, and just after the second-last payment had been made on the Q7's lease, we chopped it in for a Merc. Because we were not buying another Audi (and therefore not from an Audi stealership), their "dealer payoff" policy kicks in. Which is based on market value of the car, not the remaining finance dollars. So the payoff did not change once the second-to-last payment credited to the account. Cnuts.

So balls to having another Audi or VW in the future. Even if they were the greatest cars, which they aren't. If this cnutish policy is designed to ensure brand loyalty, they have royally fcuked up with my family. Never again.
 
The would be @Ecosse and myself, the MX5 drivers.
I didnt want a gay hairdresser.

(actually my neighbour has a bit of a thing for MX5's he recently sold a lightweight frame jap grey import - we went out of a spin in it and it went like poo of a digging stick, it was even better when we got the wheels aligned - it went round corners then. He has two sheds full of parts)
 
Are the seat squabs in TT’s all impregnated with HRT hormones as well.
They all seem to be driven by menapausal ex mistresses or male self professed players of the pink oboe.
It used to be Toyota MR2s that were beloved of male hairdressers and rough blondes.

And there were those Suzuki Vitara jeeps that were popular in the 90's. Lad I knew at Upavon had one, ownership of which was enough to saddle him with a reputation as an utter screamer.
 
We've had a couple Audis. A5 and Q7. Not terrible cars, but Mercedes they are not.

And their finance arm are absolute fcuking shysters, at least in the US.

With one payment left, and just after the second-last payment had been made on the Q7's lease, we chopped it in for a Merc. Because we were not buying another Audi (and therefore not from an Audi stealership), their "dealer payoff" policy kicks in. Which is based on market value of the car, not the remaining finance dollars. So the payoff did not change once the second-to-last payment credited to the account. Cnuts.

So balls to having another Audi or VW in the future. Even if they were the greatest cars, which they aren't. If this cnutish policy is designed to ensure brand loyalty, they have royally fcuked up with my family. Never again.
My missus was in the same boat late last year. She'd had a bellyful of her incontinent 118d M Sport shitbox, and wanted it gone pronto. Last payment was Jan of this year, she wanted to hand it back in September (when it shat the intercooler, again) and pay whatever needed paid. As it turns out, this can royally bollix-up one's credit score, so she bought another car (used) and the Hun sat in our garage for four months. I bet the dealer wondered why there was only a handful of miles on it, maybe 15 or 18, from the last breakdown until it was handed back.
 
My missus was in the same boat late last year. She'd had a bellyful of her incontinent 118d M Sport shitbox, and wanted it gone pronto. Last payment was Jan of this year, she wanted to hand it back in September (when it shat the intercooler, again) and pay whatever needed paid. As it turns out, this can royally bollix-up one's credit score, so she bought another car (used) and the Hun sat in our garage for four months. I bet the dealer wondered why there was only a handful of miles on it, maybe 15 or 18, from the last breakdown until it was handed back.
I really don't understand why they have these tie-in policies. I assume you will never set foot in a BMW dealership, just as I will not set foot in an Audi dealership ever again. The F&I woman at the Mercedes dealership just about fell off her chair when she spoke to the grown-ups at Audi Finance and was clued in on the fact that the payoff wasn't going to change.

Mercedes already had a customer for life in me, but until the last few months we couldn't justify buying one. Now I can't justify the other Premium boxhead brands. Audi have big-time shit the bed with us, and the 525 I used to have hadn't worn very well at all. Porsche SUVs are really Audis and the Boxster is a bit of a girl's car. So that leaves Mercs or a 911. I'd rather have an SL-R than a 911, so Merc it is, and will always be.
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
Are the seat squabs in TT’s all impregnated with HRT hormones as well.
They all seem to be driven by menapausal ex mistresses or male self professed players of the pink oboe.
A good mate of mine would resemble that remark. He had two TT's at one point - and a driving ban. Oh how we all laughed.

Anyway he plays sax and euphonium.... :-D
 

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