Au Pair Recruitment

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cpunk, Jul 13, 2005.

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  1. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    Alas, the time has come for gorgeous, large-breasted 19 year old au pair Luci to depart from Cpunk Towers and return to her native Czech Republic in order to resume her studies. She leaves these shores a little older and, I think, wiser in the ways of leering middle-aged men.

    So now it's time to get a new one! Current front runners in the cpunk recruitment table are:

    1. A blond 22 year old Brit girl from the west country. Not bad looking and keen to work with children but hasn't mentioned doing a turn for their Dad yet.

    2. A blond 18 year old Mexican. Tall, thin, big boobed and attractive; as it happens she also has an identical twin sister who is working in London... I'm wondering if they'll consider doing some 'video work' for a bit of extra cash.

    3. An athletic 20 year old (black) South African girl whose Dad's a vicar: a definite danger of religious issues rearing their ugly head but still a looker.

    I'm favouring No 2 at the moment and I'm trying to persuade the lovely Mrs cpunk that she will represent a good opportunity to practise our Spanish but I'm worried she might see through me. Any top tips for a deception/camouflage scheme?
  2. leer at the ones you want - say you dont like the one you do. Guaranteed your missus will pick that one! ;)
  3. Living in the Southwest myself, I also agree, number 2 or 3 it must be, its not fair to take away any "average / good" looking women from the Southwest :)
  4. You need to be clear on the 'object' of your deception - what is it you want to achieve? Number 2 in this case?
    The 'target' is clear - your wife.

    Now the hard work, the 'story' - what do you tell the target in order to achieve the object?

    You will need to ensure you story is watertight at the tactical, operational and strategic level. Any mistake at either can undo the whole deception. Think OVERLORD: the deception could have come undone if the Germans had realised that the landing craft in Kent were all fakes.

    Tactical level - Start feigning a dislike of mexican food; every time Spain is mentioned in the news say something like 'pah, fcukin s****s' etc etc.

    Operational level - Take an active interest in your wife's choice of Au Pair (because it will be her choice). Remember, you want her to think that you don't want Number 2. You will need to show just enough interest in the other 2 to arose her suspicions.

    Strategic level - Enagage family and friends in choice. Your wife will not listen to your friends of family. You need to work on hers.

    Very, very important this: Good intelligence is vital. You will need to know if your deception is working in order to test and adjust as required. The Allies had ULTRA and XX, ensure you have something comporable. Bribe her friends.

    Good luck.
  5. What a decision to make. These are the sort of things that seperate the men from the boys. Go for the Godbotherers daughter. They (ahem) like stoats according to some pundits.
  6. Sounds like a win win situation to me mate let the wife make her choice then when she catches you balls deep in the back of her you can blame the missus for putting temptation in your way.
  7. The simple solution would be to hire two Au Pairs, one male and one female, if your finances will go that far.
    You get the willowy Mex, and she gets some strapping great Lithuanian or Polish C0cksman to keep her busy while you are trying to coax Juanita into pulling you off in your bath-chair... :D
  8. You are officially a genius!
  9. CPUNK why don't you have a try at being a husband like me, and do exactly what the bihatch from hell says or get stabbed as you sleep with knives dipped in vinegar for the extra burn effect.

    Does any one know a good divorce lawyer (fcuk off lawstudent you cnut you don't exist in my head)
  10. medman

    Thomas Mesereau Jr, if he can get Jackson off, he can get you out without losing half of everything!!!
  11. Course one of the dangers of getting the Mexican girl is that one of your old Pals may start finding lots of excuses to visit, take you to his favourite Polish restaurant and perhaps try out his posh new digital camera. Then again, vicars daughter you say.
  12. My advice, is buy a job lot of rohypnol and feed it to your wife. She will be soooooo in your palm that she will do whatever she is told. That means you can have both options 2 and 3 or.... with a wife that zonked out you can ignore the au pair and do your bidding with unconscious wife.
  13. If you get photos of the potentials we could vote....
  14. I think No2 sounds fave, Mexican women always take it in the back box and she will make an awesome chile / taco / tortilla etc....

    The twin sister thing sounds good too, epecially if you can get them in a compromising position and dip all six holes :D

    Like Greek birds though, they get ugly at 30 and lose thier teeth and swallow a couch, that settles around thier arses and is never passed.
  15. Get the Mexican! I've never shagged a Mexican so you can tell us all what its like......whilst she's knocking you up a nice chili concarne!