Attitude adjustment advice required

Right then I thought this would be the perfect place to come for some advice with a problem I have. :roll:
The problem is one of the guys I work with.

Let me set the scene for you before you start in with the “just give ‘im a good shoeing” remarks.

I am now a civvie (the horror) and work in a team of 3 people.
One of the guys, who is a Turk BTW is a skiving cnut.
What he does is every time there is a lot of work on or if he gets a bollocking from head office or if the sun is shining or he needs a couple of days in bed or for any fcuking excuse he goes sick.

He has obviously got his local Doc (also a Turk) on his side because he gets all the proper forms and stuff.

Now the company is aware of what he is doing but because he has the correct paper work there is little they can do. He gets 1 to 1 “counseling sessions” but they do fcuk all good. He is on for a zero% pay rise/bonus and gets none of the perks available.

Now apart from giving him a good kicking (which would get me fired in about a nano second) I need some advice on the best way to fit this co<k up. :twisted:


Book Reviewer

Give him a shoeing.....

No, really. It is a difficult problem, similiar to the one that was discussed on the Absence thread yesterday. People are much more savvy in getting doctors to sign people off for the most minor ailment because the spineless quack does not want to be sued for any malpractice (better safe than sorry?!).

So, either get the company to refer him to a second (and independent) doctor. Making sure that the sawbones has no affiliation to the company (don't want Johnny Foreigner suing the company later in an Industrial tribunal) and confirm whether he does or does not have a real ailment.

If the answer is negative then bring a case against him to render his unemployment. However, this is bloody hard work and difficult to prove as the law is in the favour of the individual not the company.

Alternatively, create a situation where you can "prove" that he stole something so he can be nicked, jailed and fired.
whiffler said:
Is this in UK ? - OK it sounds like it, but ...
Physically located in Germany but the HQ is in London.

The whole company is 'merkin owned though so that adds another layer of problems.

Believe me I really really would like to take him behind the garages but it is not worth getting sacked for.... Now theres an idea maybe I could provoke him enough so that he attacks me? It might be worth taking a couple of lumps to get rid of the fcuker. Problem with that is I might over retaliate and then I am in the shit as well.

Don't think the second doctor approach would work as he only goes off sick for a week or 10 days with usually a cold or the sh1ts or some such hard to disprove symptoms..

The whole office is covered by CTV cameras so having him nick something would be difficult.
Moodybitch said:
Is it you that wants rid or the powers that be in the company
Me. But I don't think that the boss would shed any tears.

I am the stupid schmuk who has to do his work when he is "ill" and it is really starting to pish me off.
If you're in a med/large company - do you have 'targets' for absence levels? If so you should be able to get your personnel dept / boss to get on his case as he goes through the various levels. They should then be sending him for extra medical examinations / check ups with different Doctors as 'clearly the workplace environment is affecting his health ' and 'the company has responsibilities to ensure that he is ok'

What this amounts to of course is that you are effectively hounding him with care and concern. Top it off with a 1-1 counselling session each time and either i) The examinations will come up with nothing and he can be disciplined ii) He'll get the message and start to work.


Book Reviewer
Alternatively, drop an anon phone call to GCP saying that you think he is an islamic extremist terrorist...might do the trick,
Put some contraband in his garden shed AND then phone the GCP?

Allege he sexually harrassed you? You might even get some compensation!

don'tforget the personal insult defamation thing in Germany - it used to be 1000DM in the civil courts if you were insulted. Some boxhead stuck a finger up at 3/29 Battery when they were out running (running in 4th Regt?? Nooo..) and an astute BK got them all to allege personal injury through the insult. Big pay out!!

Throw him off a railway bridge if all else fails. However in Germany if you chuck a Turk onto the permanent way you may get a fixed penalty ticket for littering... :twisted:
Oh, and could you give us the name of the Turish doctor, as I could do with a few days off with tea & sympathy on return.
does your company have performance reviews, and do you have KPI's to adhere to, if he's falling below standard whilst he's in work go through the normal channels of "failing to meet targets" warn him to buck up then proceed down the verbal/written warning and sack the c*nt.

then give him a good shoeing :D
Go off with stress because of the overwork due to this guy. That should make the boss sit up and stop what appears to be a classic case of crap manager syndrome getting any worse.
leave a post-it note in his jacket pocket for kiddy-porn. If he logs in at work he can get pulled. A bit mean, but it depends how much you hate him.
If your company has a company Docture you can make him attend a session, if he is skiving hopefully the Doc will find out. He can then be warned off.
Wombleboy said:
If you're in a med/large company - do you have 'targets' for absence levels?
Well as he had something like 42 days off sick last year and has clocked up 20 already this year I don't think they really give a dhit.

His perfomance review is why he is getting a big fat fcuk all in bonus and pay rise this year. The problem is that when he is available for work then he does a competent enough job so warning letters etc are not justified, well thats what our HR tells me anyway.

Not sure I fancy the idea of alleging sexual harrasment. Just the thought of it gives me the hebbies. :(

Looks like the bridge then :evil: Though as he has most probably got "connections" to the local Turkish mafia I might be able to get the blame shifted onto them :)


Kit Reviewer
You are employed under German employment law and so is he. He will without doubt pay, from his wages, subscriptions for legal employment representation (you should get this too BTW). This means he could not give a flying fcuk as he is covered.

He will also, no doubt, be part of a union too - Now, all the above is more your employers problem. Your problems you should address to your line manager and back it up in writing each time he adds to your work load
Follow him home, torch his house with his family inside and hose them down with ninja throwing stars if they attempt escape.

To ensure no reprisals from police or family do them all in too.

Book an easyjet flight to Madrid them move to South America and open an orthopedic shoe shine shop

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