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At what level would the human lose the fight?

Tossed by a cow you say....

Yes. And not in a good way!

This cow is a placid beast until calving time and then she becomes psychotic. You can’t go near her for a good couple of weeks. I have a picture of her somewhere from calving where she is giving me a genuinely frightening death stare (I was in a separate pen doing something else and she still went to rush me). Will see if I have it on this telephone.
 
Sorted that; bath towel, grabbed and wrapped up 'til only head shows then jaws apart, in, wait until he swallows.
Sod that, they still try to bite your fingers off. We now get the spot on treatments for fleas and worms (still a two person job though).
 
Yes. And not in a good way!

This cow is a placid beast until calving time and then she becomes psychotic. You can’t go near her for a good couple of weeks. I have a picture of her somewhere from calving where she is giving me a genuinely frightening death stare (I was in a separate pen doing something else and she still went to rush me). Will see if I have it on this telephone.
I once staggered home drunk, about six miles, so I took a short cut through a farmer's field. It was a bright moonlit night and I could see about a hundred cows about half a mile away at the top of the hill.

I was walking stealthily like one of 'THEM' but somehow they heard me and charged down the hill towards me. There was no escape route, the nearest fence with a gate on it was four hundred metres away.

They got about 20 metres from me, I decided to confront them full on. I went absolutely fecking ballistic, totally mental, making as much noise as I could, jumping up and down and waving my arms like a madman.

The cows at the front stopped in their tracks but fell over with the momentum. The other cows couldn't stop in time and fell over the ones in front. I seized the moment and fecking charged at them.

They stayed well away from me giving me enough time to make it to the gate. Stupid feckers.

Didn't half sober me up though.
 
I once staggered home drunk, about six miles, so I took a short cut through a farmer's field. It was a bright moonlit night and I could see about a hundred cows about half a mile away at the top of the hill.

I was walking stealthily like one of 'THEM' but somehow they heard me and charged down the hill towards me. There was no escape route, the nearest fence with a gate on it was four hundred metres away.

They got about 20 metres from me, I decided to confront them full on. I went absolutely fecking ballistic, totally mental, making as much noise as I could, jumping up and down and waving my arms like a madman.

The cows at the front stopped in their tracks but fell over with the momentum. The other cows couldn't stop in time and fell over the ones in front. I seized the moment and fecking charged at them.

They stayed well away from me giving me enough time to make it to the gate. Stupid feckers.

Didn't half sober me up though.


I was putting down fresh bedding and this is the lunatic cow giving me “I’m going to kill you” stare just before rushing the gate. Since she had been known to jump gates I left the sheds!
8F1713FC-B315-4329-96F8-33E0858F135E.jpeg
8F1713FC-B315-4329-96F8-33E0858F135E.jpeg
 
......woken up with a head like a box of frogs, next to a few in my time as well, mostly WRAC's.
Christmas at BMH Hannover 1976. Female to male ratio 10 to 1. Don't get me started...
 
Honey badger.

I'll hold your coat.
A honey badger will quite happily take on a pride of lions as would a hippo. People are easy meat in that game.

There is a (regular) badgers set on my daily walk and I give them about as much space as I would do a horse.
 
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......woken up with a head like a box of frogs, next to a few in my time as well, mostly WRAC's.
Mine was a GWAR from Taunton called B*** Luc****. Was RSigs but got biffed out of basic.

Big fat arse like two small planets colliding, but banged like a shit house door in a force 12, and she swallowed.
 
Mine was a GWAR from Taunton called B*** Luc****. Was RSigs but got biffed out of basic.

Big fat arse like two small planets colliding, but banged like a shit house door in a force 12, and she swallowed.
Hells teeth! to much information, but just about describes most of the horrors I tabbed off with,... happy daze!
 
Mine was a GWAR from Taunton called B*** Luc****. Was RSigs but got biffed out of basic.

Big fat arse like two small planets colliding, but banged like a shit house door in a force 12, and she swallowed.
Photos...you know the drill...
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
Enough of the cow talk, you have no idea what a dangerous mum looks like until you've encountered one of these:

1601309583089.png


They take bayonet drill to a whole new level.
 
I've come over a few grizzlies in my time...

Yeah I heard about those type of grizzlies you mean, a mate told me about them* Most of the grizzlies around these parts won't give you any troble as long as you don't trouble them.

* I'm having to plead the 5th amendment at the moment over another issue, so I don't want to say anymore less the coven finds more to use as charges against me.
 
I think I've read that the most dangerous animal in Africa is the Cape Buffalo. Perhaps someone with more knowledge can confirm, but the bovine contingent seem to be evil buggers when riled.

Edited for mong splelling.
 

Yokel

LE
Average bloke, let's say 30, in good health, average height, normal build, naked, no weapons. In a space that is big enough for them to move around, but small enough that they'd have to fight - let's say the animal is the female of the species and is acting as if protecting their young.

A big animal can't use the walls to crush, but could use weight in any other way.

At what level of animal would he start to lose out?

My initial thoughts - any animal around half the weight, if they could get very close quickly and somehow get a choke hold, they could get past the bites and scratches and win that way. Otherwise I think strength and weight would be the biggest factors.

Could a man suffocate a cow or a horse before being kicked to ****?

Bears and the big cats etc... no contest, same with the big apes.

There is something very disturbing about this thread. Do farmers, horse owners and zoos have to worry about naked men molesting their animals?

Serious answer - a large dog or a female swan with cygnets. The dog will bite and scratch and the swan will break bones with her wings.

Even a cat could do you serious harm - probably not fatal, but disfiguring and possibly blinding.
 
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Cape Buffalo. Looks like a big cow. A passage in Capstick's 'Death in the Long Grass' is enlightening. Read the account of the demise of an African fisherman walking home when hit from behind by a psyco-bovine. They must have taken him home in a bucket.
 
let's say the animal is the female of the species and is acting as if protecting their young.

There is no more dangerous female protecting her young than the human female IMHO.
 

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