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Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of Asylum.

Todays programme features another chance to take part in our exciting

Hi-jack an airliner and win a council house. We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy
Of our sponsor, The British Taxpayer, and don't forget, we're now the
fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don't hold a valid British

You only need to know one word of English  "ASYLUM".

Prizes include: -
All expenses paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights.

This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on
one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused!!

All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic
Password: ‘ASYLUM’.

Only a few weeks ago 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown goat class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fastrack
Them to their luxury £200 a night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.

They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hostels all over Britain. Our most popular destinations include the
White Cliffs of Dover, the world famous Toddington Services area in historic Bedfordshire and the money tree at Croydon.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience. Just apply for legal aid!! Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help, it won't cost you a penny.

So play today. It could change your life forever.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-pinochet activists, Kosovan drug smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, COME ON DOWN!!

Be one of the tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game
on earth. Roll up, roll up my friends for the game that never ends.

Everyone's a winner when they play ASYLUM.   :mad: :mad: :mad:
As is normally my suggestion, i think that we could burn every second applicant for fuel in these cold winter months. Benifits are far reaching

1. They would think twice about applying because they stand a 50% chance of becoming a stain on a washing line down wind of the ash drop off point.

2. They would pay for their own applications by providing fuel for the national grid - if i were the chancellor, the budget would be easy.  Whens the junta?


I don't know if this has been posted before but I will put it in anyway. It is a poem called ....

Yes it has been posted before...........



"All expenses paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week ... "

Er, I think not :  "Asylum seekers aged 18 to 24, who previously received a combination of vouchers and cash worth £28.95-a-week, will receive a cash payment of £29.89.

The over-25s, who previously received a package worth £36.54, will get a cash payment of £37.77. "



msr- ref Asylum seekers I think that applies to the ones being vetted. I think most of people are complaining about illegals. who then claim asylum.
They all can't be in fear of their lives in their own country. i.e serbs and muslims in Kosovo, lets face it we have no- go areas within the UK if you " do not belong"
if they only what the refugee council are saying I wish I could afford the latest mobile phone, leather jackets, gucci handbags etc etc etc.
i realise that is a generalisation I have stated,and only what I have seen. but we should get our people sorted out first, then if the money is there help others

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