Assistance for potential recruits

walts and SCH aside.

ARRSE has attracted a large following from young thrusters wishing to join the khaki phenoma that is The Army.*pauses whilst standing to attention for National Anthem*

So, to assist the next generation in their quest to join the ranks, lets give them a few tips and hints to make the transistion from civ div a little easier!

Helpful hint No 1.

DON'T write in text speak - :x

it bugs the arrse out of us old and bold. Use the engish language as it was presented to you over the 11 years of your primary and secondary education
Unfortunately, grammar and spelling no longer form part of the national curriculum. May they rest in peace.

Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.


Edited 'cos this the Naffi:

Practice (a) getting completely shit-faced, finding your way home and then being up and ready for PT the following morning, or (b) getting completely shit-faced, finding your way into some tart's bed and then finding a good excuse for skipping PT.

Learn who you're mates are.
Watch BlackAdder goes Forth allot.....

Learn to drink piss and not grimace

Enjoy lying in your bed after pissing it 4 hours previously

Asking women who are well out of your league if they wouldn't mind having your cock in there mouth/if you could lick there arse and minge simultaneously as its like licking the positive and negative terminals on a battery (actually surprising this as it does work on occasion - I can vouch twice!!)

Learn to WalkPiss - walking and pissing at the same time, with no hands and no spillage down your dancing threads....
good advice!!! not these days.. it's getting worse.

I joined up to an Army, not a "human rights" or "equal oppertunities" organisation.

I'm afraid the days of sence of humour outriding the bad stuff has well gone.

Now all you have left with are whinging NiG's who complain about how much better it should be, instead of cracking on with what they joined to do.

The ones who crack on are either too far into their 22 years to sign off, or are already well into their resettlement.

But that is my experience, over the last 7 years, with 4 different capbadges.

The Main point is... if you can hack it, go for it, you can go far.

If not, don't waste our tax payers money by doing basic training!!!

(edited once, to do the proper spelling, and, it get off my high horse once more).
Top tips...

Don't eat yellow snow

and for the love of god, drunk dialling is NEVER a good thing...
Work hard, train hard, play hard. :oops:

Drink lots of beer, shag lots of women (don't be too fussy, check they've got a pulse first). :twisted:

Also: beast the fcuk out of the civvies who ask you, "are you home again and when are you going back" when you go home on leave. :twisted:

Live for today always and don't worry about tomorrow. :twisted:

Bring back, jeans, chukka boots and tee-shirts. :D

If posted 'a few too many miles from home', live with it and don't ask for an early knock off on a Friday just so you can spend money that you really can't afford and lager it up with your so called 'civvie friends'. :?
I can solemnly and reverentially say that the two most important pieces of advice I have ever received, apropos the army or anything military, were:

1. Don't eat anything you can't spell, and

2. Don't eat anything bigger than your own head.



Book Reviewer
It's a little known fact that any shouty type who insists that you get out of your pit at silly o'clock in the morning is abusing your human rights.

Simply pointing out this fact will ensure that the scary man realises his error, apologises and backs out of the room, often turning off the lights as he goes. You can then forget this rude interuption and get your head down for a few more hours.

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