Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The_Snail, Jan 17, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I thought it should go on here because I will no doubt get abuse.

    They are a bunch of *****.

    My kitchen ceiling is no more and I expected someone at my front door this morning offering to fix it.

    Have a word.

    Fobbed off by civvies at the highest port. "No, you send the contractors out now, I have got builders ready to fix the kitchen and carpets and roof as soon as you say yes, This shit wouldn't happen in the Army".

    "I'm not in the Army"

    "Well I fcuking am - get it fixed. I hope you are recording this".

    "Yes we are Mrs Slug"

    "Good, I want a reply by 1700hrs".

    I have so seen my arrse this morning.
  2. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Meds not working today I take it.
  3. Ring Ann Robinson.
  4. I'd hurt you but it would be like kicking a kitten.
  5. You haven't realised that your priority and a civvy's priority are almost always mutually exclusive.

    Sent from my Desire HD using Tapatalk
  6. I like a woman who can dominate.
  7. I love it when you talk dirty
  8. Fuck yourself.
  9. Watch Glee it's very good xxx
  10. You're not a happy bunny, are you Ma'am ?
  11. I'm going to my little angle. It might calm me down. I have torn so many new arrseholes today (from my bed) I am a bit weary.

    Some fucker from Chemdry had the audacity to call me at 1950hrs saying they had been contracted to fix it. I have got the builders ready to do the work already. Raging.

    Typed from my bed in the dark using my shit lappy.
  12. Shit happens.
  13. I've only shouted at 3 people this morning, and lo and behold, there is a bloke (looks a bit like OFAH actually) here telling me that I will probably have to move out of the house for 2 weeks. That's going to be fun (and expensive for them).

    Geordie Keith: "You'll need to clear the kitchen out"

    Me: "Oh reeeaaaally? Because I'm massive me, aren't I?"

    He is currently on the phone to Asprea telling them the bad news. After attempting to put the light's fuse back in the fusebox until I pointed out that the kitchen light switch has got wires hanging out of it and is therefore "live"..............................

    I should just get a works party of Sappers in and have it done in a day.
  14. Aye but they'd shit in your sink, skiff all your mugs, drink all your alkyhole and leg it with the contents of your knicker drawer!
  15. Mate, I wouldn't care, they'd at least help me attempt to put the contents of the kitchen cupboards into boxes. I've apparently got to do it all by Thursday morning. You can really see me moving the fridge freezer and washing machine out of there. It's an effort trying to just get up the bloody stairs! Apparently, I can move out for 2 weeks if I want. Yeah, because a hotel will take me and the dog won't they?

    I'm triple threaders now with the whole thing. I was nearly crying in front of the building bloke (he really did look like OFAH) but I didn't shout at him, which is a good thing I suppose.

    Next people to shout out are HSBC (again) because apparently my building insurance and contents insurance are apparently different things. Geordie Keith has told me to wait out though because Mr Beavers (snigger) is allegedly on the case about the carpets.

    To top it all off, I've only got Jarrod's tabs to smerk (Silk Cut ewww) and no wine, but as British and Proud says, shit happens. I've still got my health and a dog with 2 eyes. Oh, hang on..........