"As Useful As"

#1
Help, I'm having a brain fart and cannot think of any sarcastic quotes that starts with "As useful as", apart from "As useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition".

You all know the sort of quips that we use and love so I procastinate myself in front of the arrse gods and beg your wisdom and advice.
 
#4
...t*ts on a fish.

...a chocolate fireguard/teapot.

...an ashtray on a motorcycle.
 
#6
...screen doors on a submarine.
 
#7
tits on a bull
 
#8
para in a spelling test
 
#9
A c%ck ring on a eunuch!
 
#10
balo monkey wrote:

para in a spelling test
Isn't there a variation "I was sweating like a Para in a spelling test"?
 
#11
dehydrated water..

waterproof teabag....
 
#13
.....as useful as a solar powered torch....

.....as useful as a French border defence against an advancing German Army....

.....as useful as comb for a headless corpse....
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#14
pork pie at a Jewish wedding
T1ts on a bull
handbrake in a canoe
( cf earlier Arrse thread on this)
 
#15
..........an inflatable anchor!

..........a waterproof fish!

..........powdered water!

....Sweating like a wren at a salad counter!

...sweating like gary glitter in mothercare
 
#16
... blow up dartboard
... underwater soot-juggling gloves
 
#19
...an officer with a compass
...corporal at a titty bar
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#20
....a thin skin when posting on Arrse
....lack of humour when posting on Arrse
.....as a smart-arrse on arrse (OK I've got my coat)
 

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